Crap Towns / Derbyshire / West Hallam
West Hallam
2/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 2. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Terrified of Ilkeston
They dress the wells every summer and watch Ilkeston like a hawk.
West Hallam dresses its wells every summer, keeps an old bottle kiln for the look of the thing and has hardly any crime worth the name. Shoplifting barely happens. The one thing that keeps the village up at night is Ilkeston, sat right next door and looking hungry.
91 premises here can't get the legal minimum broadband, so a fair chunk of the village is still reading about the Ilkeston menace in the parish magazine. The last bus out on a Wednesday goes at 7.27pm, which suits everyone. Nobody here wants to go anywhere, and certainly not Ilkeston.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
West Hallam's 58 for air pollution means it's crapper than 58% of towns.
- Air pollution58/1008.7 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.0 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Rain50/100127 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Sewage spills44/100216 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Serious road collisions35/1001.9 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Food hygiene27/1000.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 34 food businesses with a rating
- Broadband18/1004.2% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 3.9% across the Erewash council area
- Deliberate fires18/1002.8 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Criminal damage and arson4/1003.3 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Anti-social behaviour1/1005.3 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Fly-tipping1/1002.2 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Erewash council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 12 | Buxton | 42 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.13 | Hadfield | 36 |
| 14 | Long Eaton | 33 |
| 15 | Brimington | 22 |
| 16 | Glossop | 16 |
| 17 | Swadlincote | 14 |
| 18 | Belper | 8 |
| 19 | Dronfield | 4 |
| – | West Hallam | 2 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
West Hallam by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 25.8 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 66% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 7 reports of litter and bins on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 11.8 per 10,000 people, 13.1x the typical town's 0.9
What's left on the high street
- 2 pubs, 3 hairdressers on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 7.27pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 3.4% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 6.8x the typical town's 0.5%
- 5.0% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 68% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,499 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Erewash council
- £2,361 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £31 less than the English average
- 15% of Derbyshire County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 6% lower than England's 16%
- None ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
West Hallam against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.