Crap Towns / Worcestershire / Stourport-on-Severn
Stourport-on-Severn
40/100Crap Score
Known as Birmingham seaside.
587th crappest of 984 towns, and 3rd in Worcestershire. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Where's the fucking beach?
The Midlands comes here for a day at the seaside. It's a river and a funfair.
Stourport is Birmingham's seaside, which means a river, a funfair, some Georgian canal basins and a lot of pubs. No sea. The pubs come to nearly twice the typical town's per head, which is how you get through a day at the seaside without the sea.
The town centre's scruffy and the old site on Bridge Street's been left to rot. Gilgal, the bit everyone sits in a queue through, is on the Heritage at Risk list, so now it's officially knackered as well as slow. Locals get called Sour-farts. They've a lot to be sour about.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Stourport-on-Severn's 75 for food hygiene means it's crapper than 75% of towns.
- Food hygiene75/1005.1% rated 0 to 2, of the 79 food businesses with a rating
- Deliberate fires74/10010.5 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Criminal damage and arson63/1008.1 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Sewage spills49/100266 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Anti-social behaviour46/10014.8 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Broadband41/1004.4% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 11.9% across the Wyre Forest council area
- Rain34/100122 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Air pollution31/1006.4 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 6.4 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Fly-tipping29/1007.4 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Wyre Forest council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Serious road collisions27/1001.8 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Evesham | 47 |
| 2 | Kidderminster | 47 |
| 3 | Stourport-on-Severn | 40 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.4 | Redditch | 35 |
| 5 | Worcester | 29 |
| 6 | Great Malvern | 27 |
| 7 | Bromsgrove | 26 |
| 8 | Catshill | 19 |
| 9 | Droitwich Spa | 2 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Stourport-on-Severn by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 61.6 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 19% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 2 reports of abandoned vehicles on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 1.0 per 10,000 people, 11% higher than the typical town's 0.9
- 8 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2023
What's left on the high street
- 19 pubs, 4 hairdressers, 1 bank, 1 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 7.1% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (1 of 14) Worse: 1.8x the typical town's 4.0%
- 1 bank branch closure announced since 2022 Worse: 4.9 per 100,000 people, 44% higher than the typical town's 3.4
- 2 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Worse: 1.0 per 10,000 people, 38% lower than the typical town's 1.6
- 1 public swimming pool open; 1 closed for good since 2010 Worse: 0.5 per 10,000 people, 29% lower than the typical English town's 0.7
- 1 place on England's Heritage at Risk register
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 9.31pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.2% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 60% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 11.6% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 25% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,553 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Wyre Forest council
- £2,512 Band D council tax (2026-27) Worse: £120 more than the English average
- 18% of Worcestershire County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Worse: 13% higher than England's 16%
- None ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Stourport-on-Severn against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.