Nobody stops. Everyone drives through.

Catshill used to make nails. Now it's the bit between two motorway junctions that drivers use to dodge the queue on Stourbridge Road. That's the whole problem, and it isn't even the locals' fault. Crime's low, the sewers barely spill, nobody sets fire to anything and every kitchen in the place passed its hygiene inspection.

There's no public park, so there's a community orchard instead, and it chucks it down on 135 days a year to keep the apples going. Christ Church is on the Heritage at Risk list. The last bus is at 9.15pm, which is fine, because there's nowhere to go. Now they want houses on the green belt, so the people driving through can live here as well.

The editor, who could hear the motorway from the orchard