Hold on to your pasty

Stanley sits on top of a hill where the wind gets you from every side. Front Street goes on and on, past empty shops, derelict buildings, bookies and Greggs. The pits have gone and the kids have nothing to do, so the scramblers and scooters are out. Bleak, mate.

Only Bishop Auckland's crapper in County Durham. Vandalism is up at two and a half times the typical town's rate, anti-social behaviour at twice, and the grass goes up in flames at about twenty times. Sewage comes out of the overflows nearby for nearly seven times as long as in the typical town. On a hill this windy, you'd think the fires would blow out.

The editor, chasing a pasty bag down Front Street