Crap Towns / County Durham / Bishop Auckland
Bishop Auckland
95/100Crap Score
52nd crappest of 984 towns, and the crappest in County Durham. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
Got something to say about Bishop Auckland? Write in.
agree it's crap have defended it
Castle at one end. Newgate at the other.
Lovely castle and deer park. Then you walk down Newgate Street.
Bishop Auckland's got a castle, a deer park and a Roman fort down the road. Then there's Newgate Street. Vape shop, charity shop, pub, empty unit, fag ends blowing about outside. Everyone's buggered off to the retail park at Tindale. Locals call it Bish Vegas. It's not a compliment.
It's the crappest town in County Durham, and it's earned it. Vandalism is up at over three times the typical town's rate and deliberate fires at over ten times, mostly bins. Shoplifting's three and a half times the typical town's, which is going some given what's left on Newgate to nick. Lloyds, NatWest and Santander have all shut a branch.
The sewers nearby overflow for about seven times as long as the typical town's, and crude sewage has turned up in 5 serious pollution incidents since 2016. Even the river's had a bad night in Bish Vegas.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Bishop Auckland's 99 for criminal damage and arson means it's crapper than 99% of towns.
- Criminal damage and arson99/10021.9 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Deliberate fires99/10060.7 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Anti-social behaviour98/10038.2 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Sewage spills93/1001,945 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Food hygiene79/1004.7% rated 0 to 2, of the 149 food businesses with a rating
- Rain57/100132 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Fly-tipping56/10010.5 incidents per 1,000 people a year, County Durham council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Broadband55/1006.0% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 14.6% across the County Durham council area
- Serious road collisions53/1002.5 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Air pollution15/1005.5 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 5.4 of fine particles, 2024 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Bishop Auckland | 95 |
| 2 | Stanley | 88 |
| 3 | Darlington | 80 |
| 4 | Hartlepool | 79 |
| 5 | Chester-le-Street | 77 |
| 6 | Spennymoor | 74 |
| 7 | Stockton-on-Tees | 73 |
| 8 | Peterlee | 71 |
| 9 | Durham | 70 |
Bishop Auckland by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 145 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Worse: 1.9x the typical town's 76.2
- 1 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Better: 0.4 per 10,000 people, 88% lower than the typical town's 3.4
- 6 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2023
What's left on the high street
- 19 pubs, 26 hairdressers, 7 charity shops, 3 bookmakers, 3 vape shops, 5 banks, 1 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 11.8% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (4 of 34) Worse: 3x the typical town's 4.0%
- 3 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Worse: 12.8 per 100,000 people, 3.8x the typical town's 3.4
- 4 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 1.7 per 10,000 people, 6% higher than the typical town's 1.6
- 3 public swimming pools open Better: 1.3 per 10,000 people, 1.9x the typical English town's 0.7
- 2 places on England's Heritage at Risk register
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11.56pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.8% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 1.6x the typical town's 0.5%
- 23.0% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 48% higher than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,494 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
County Durham council
Have a crap-off
Bishop Auckland against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.