Crap Towns / Nottinghamshire / Retford
Retford
60/100Crap Score
390th crappest of 984 towns, and 11th in Nottinghamshire. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Better than Worksop. Just.
A grand market square, empty shops round it and a river that floods.
Retford has a grand old town hall on a market square that's far too good for the shops round it, a lot of which are empty. There's a Crimean War cannon too, in case Worksop tries anything. The two have been arguing for years over who gets Bassetlaw's money, and going by the high street, neither of them did.
The pubs are doing fine and there are plenty of them, and the food's spotless: not one place with a hygiene rating scores 0 to 2. Getting anywhere is the problem. On a Sunday the whole town gets 48 bus departures, the Idle floods and Bassetlaw's B roads are a state. The council recycles barely more than a quarter of the rubbish and still charges £2,645 on a Band D home. Worksop reckons it's better. It isn't.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Retford's 76 for fly-tipping means it's crapper than 76% of towns.
- Fly-tipping76/10017.1 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Bassetlaw council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Criminal damage and arson74/1008.9 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Deliberate fires72/1009.8 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Serious road collisions68/1003.0 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Broadband62/1005.4% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 19.1% across the Bassetlaw council area
- Anti-social behaviour54/10015.8 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Sewage spills53/100313 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Air pollution52/1006.9 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.2 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Rain12/100115 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Food hygiene1/1000.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 180 food businesses with a rating
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 7 | Kirkby-in-Ashfield | 74 |
| 8 | Stapleford | 71 |
| 9 | Eastwood | 67 |
| 10 | Hucknall | 64 |
| 11 | Retford | 60 |
| 12 | Forest Town | 55 |
| 13 | Mansfield Woodhouse | 55 |
| 14 | Balderton | 54 |
| 15 | New Ollerton and Ollerton | 54 |
Retford by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 74.7 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 76.2
- 3 reports of abandoned vehicles on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 1.3 per 10,000 people, 44% higher than the typical town's 0.9
- 1 serious pollution incident within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2025
What's left on the high street
- 24 pubs, 7 hairdressers, 4 charity shops, 2 bookmakers, 4 banks, 2 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 0.0% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (0 of 27) Better: Against the typical town's 4.0%
- 1 bank branch closure announced since 2022 Worse: 4.2 per 100,000 people, 24% higher than the typical town's 3.4
- 6 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 2.5 per 10,000 people, 1.6x the typical town's 1.6
- 2 public swimming pools open Better: 0.8 per 10,000 people, 14% higher than the typical English town's 0.7
- 2 places on England's Heritage at Risk register
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11.56pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.6% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 20% higher than the typical town's 0.5%
- 45.9% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 3x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,497 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Bassetlaw council
- £2,645 Band D council tax (2026-27) Worse: £253 more than the English average
- 19% of Nottinghamshire County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Worse: 19% higher than England's 16%
- 1 ombudsman complaint upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Retford against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.