Penistone

It's pronounced Pen-iss-tun. Grow up.

Twinned with a snigger at the back of class

49/100Crap Score

Known as Penis Town.

Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 49. Higher scores are crapper.

How the score works

Have your say

Crap Town of the Year 2026/27

See the race

The public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.

Letters from the locals

Got something to say about Penistone? Write in.

Penistone. Yes, we know.

Everyone giggles at the sign. Locals have heard it all.

Penistone has a lovely viaduct, an oak market barn and a name every passing schoolkid finds hilarious. Clarel Street is parked solid so the buses can't get through, cars are up on the pavements and the double yellow lines cause more rows than anything. Vape shops and Greggs. Stop sniggering.

Sewage goes in the water nearby for nearly six times the typical town's hours, and it rains on 151 days a year. There's 13 hairdressers, more than three times the typical town's per head, and no swimming pool. Nobody smashes anything up. They're all too busy explaining how you say it.

The editor, who managed not to laugh

What the score is made of

Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.

Penistone's 91 for sewage spills means it's crapper than 91% of towns.

Sewage spills91/1001,550 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
Fly-tipping83/10020.2 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Barnsley council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
Rain75/100151 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
Food hygiene73/1005.4% rated 0 to 2, of the 56 food businesses with a rating
Serious road collisions48/1002.3 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
Broadband32/1004.4% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 8.7% across the Barnsley council area
Air pollution25/1005.7 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 6.3 of fine particles, 2024 average
Deliberate fires12/1002.2 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
Anti-social behaviour10/1008.1 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
Criminal damage and arson9/1003.9 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026

**Your patch: South Yorkshire**Towns in the same county. Top of the table is crappest.
Pos	Town	National	Score
18	Warmsworth	296th	70
19	Maltby	347th	65
20	Swinton	380th	61
21	Scawthorpe and Cusworth	428th	57
–	Penistone	–	49
22	Darton	507th	49
23	New Rossington and Rossington	537th	45
24	Thorne	544th	45
25	Chapeltown and High Green	581st	41

Penistone by numbers

Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.

Crime, muck and dodgy water

What's left on the high street

Getting about, getting online, getting rained on

Barnsley council

Have a crap-off

Penistone against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.

Against

PenistoneCrap Score 49

StocksbridgeCrap Score 75

Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.