The Theatre of Dreams leaks.

Old Trafford's the Theatre of Dreams, a cricket ground and terraces that fill up with parked cars every matchday. City fans love telling you it isn't in Manchester. They're right, it's Trafford. The stadium roof lets the rain in, and when the crowd goes home the locals are left with the chip papers and a stranger's car across the drive.

The people who live here between fixtures get the rest. Nitrogen dioxide's nearly twice the typical town's level, serious crashes come in at 2.3 times the typical town's rate, and the storm overflows spill for nearly seven times as long. At least the buses are good, five times the typical town's after seven, so you can get away after the final whistle.

The editor, who got wet inside the ground