Crap Towns / Greater Manchester / Irlam
Irlam
83/100Crap Score
166th crappest of 984 towns, and 30th in Greater Manchester. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Irlam's train has been cancelled.
The steelworks shut in 1979. The trains into Manchester have been trying to follow it ever since.
Irlam made steel and margarine, then the steelworks shut and that was that. There's the Ship Canal, the locks and a done-up station building to wait in for a train that's been cancelled. Out on the edge of Chat Moss, people drive vans of rubbish into the fields and tip them.
The storm overflows go off for nearly eight times the typical town's hours. Some idiot sets fire to a bin seven times as often as in the typical town and tags whatever's left standing. There's one public toilet, handy for the wait. Cadishead's no better, mind.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Irlam's 94 for sewage spills means it's crapper than 94% of towns.
- Sewage spills94/1002,119 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Fly-tipping88/10024.6 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Salford council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Deliberate fires87/10017.9 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Criminal damage and arson82/10010.1 per 1,000 people a year, July 2023 to June 2026
- Rain78/100153 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Anti-social behaviour74/10019.4 per 1,000 people a year, July 2023 to June 2026
- Air pollution72/10011.5 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 6.9 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Food hygiene55/1002.8% rated 0 to 2, of the 107 food businesses with a rating
- Serious road collisions13/1001.3 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Broadband11/1001.9% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 5.8% across the Salford council area
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 26 | Bury | 85 |
| 27 | Littleborough | 84 |
| 28 | Chadderton | 84 |
| 29 | Old Trafford | 83 |
| 30 | Irlam | 83 |
| 31 | Wythenshawe | 83 |
| 32 | Failsworth | 81 |
| 33 | Platt Bridge and Abram | 81 |
| 34 | Hindley | 81 |
Irlam by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 104 crimes per 1,000 people a year (July 2023 to June 2026) Worse: 36% higher than the typical town's 76.2
- 6 problems reported on FixMyStreet in the year to October 2026 Better: 3.0 per 10,000 people, 85% lower than the typical town's 20.4
- 1 serious pollution incident within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2020
What's left on the high street
- 13 pubs, 4 hairdressers, 2 charity shops, 1 bookmaker, 2 banks, 1 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 0.0% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (0 of 27) Better: Against the typical town's 4.0%
- 1 bank branch closure announced since 2022 Worse: 5.1 per 100,000 people, 1.5x the typical town's 3.4
- 1 public toilet on the map (October 2026) Worse: 0.5 per 10,000 people, 69% lower than the typical town's 1.6
- 2 public swimming pools open Better: 1.0 per 10,000 people, 43% higher than the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.48am last bus out on a Wednesday Better: Later than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.9% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 1.8x the typical town's 0.5%
- 5.2% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 66% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,454 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Worse: 5% lower than the typical town's 1,532
Salford council
Have a crap-off
Irlam against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.