Crap Towns / Hampshire / Oakley
Oakley
6/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 6. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Oakley. Lovely. Sorry.
Thatched cottages round a duck pond. It's hard to be rude about. We tried.
Oakley has a duck pond with thatched cottages round it, and nobody does anything wrong. The moans are new houses with nothing to go with them, delivery lorries stuck in the old lanes, dog mess on the footpaths and nothing for teenagers to do. The station shut ages ago, though the trains still go past. Basingstoke's close. That's the worst bit.
It's got play spaces at nearly three times the typical town's rate per head, and the teenagers still reckon there's nothing to do. They've got a point. There's 1 pub.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Oakley's 81 for broadband means it's crapper than 81% of towns.
- Broadband81/10012.0% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 19.5% across the Basingstoke and Deane council area
- Fly-tipping69/10014.9 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Basingstoke and Deane council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Rain54/100130 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Food hygiene42/1000.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 10 food businesses with a rating
- Air pollution23/1005.9 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 6.0 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Deliberate fires15/1002.3 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Serious road collisions8/1000.7 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Criminal damage and arson4/1003.3 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Sewage spills2/1000.0 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Anti-social behaviour0/1004.3 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 22 | Farnborough | 10 |
| 23 | West End | 10 |
| 24 | Locks Heath | 9 |
| 25 | Alton | 9 |
| – | Oakley | 6 |
| 26 | Hythe and Dibden Purlieu | 6 |
| 27 | South Hayling | 5 |
| 28 | Hedge End | 4 |
| 29 | Horndean | 3 |
Oakley by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 33.2 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 56% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 15 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 28.5 per 10,000 people, 8.4x the typical town's 3.4
What's left on the high street
- 1 pub on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11.07pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.3% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 40% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 6.0% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 61% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,629 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 6% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Basingstoke and Deane council
- £2,255 Band D council tax (2026-27) Better: £137 less than the English average
- 8% of Hampshire County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 50% lower than England's 16%
- None ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Oakley against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.