Crap Towns / Hampshire / Locks Heath
Locks Heath
9/100Crap Score
892nd crappest of 984 towns, and 24th in Hampshire. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Locks Heath. Waitrose is the centre.
The strawberry fields became estates, and the shopping centre's basically a Waitrose.
Locks Heath used to grow strawberries, and they ran special trains from Swanwick to get them to London. Then the fields turned into cul-de-sacs. The shopping centre is a Waitrose with some shops stuck round it. Crime's low, streets are clean. Annoyingly fine.
The moans are more houses going on the woods and nothing to do at night. Nothing at all. The last bus home is at 8.34pm, so you couldn't get to anything if there was. HSBC and Lloyds have both gone. The old brickworks kiln has made the Heritage at Risk register, and it's the most interesting building for miles.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Locks Heath's 62 for serious road collisions means it's crapper than 62% of towns.
- Serious road collisions62/1002.8 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Sewage spills56/100348 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2024 to 2025
- Deliberate fires54/1006.0 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Air pollution51/1009.4 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 6.3 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Rain41/100124 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Food hygiene38/1001.9% rated 0 to 2, of the 156 food businesses with a rating
- Criminal damage and arson5/1003.4 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Anti-social behaviour3/1006.4 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Broadband3/1001.8% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 2.3% across the Fareham council area
- Fly-tipping1/1002.3 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Fareham council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 20 | Winchester | 11 |
| 21 | Romsey | 11 |
| 22 | Farnborough | 10 |
| 23 | West End | 10 |
| 24 | Locks Heath | 9 |
| 25 | Alton | 9 |
| 26 | Hythe and Dibden Purlieu | 6 |
| 27 | South Hayling | 5 |
| 28 | Hedge End | 4 |
Locks Heath by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 46.5 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 39% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 94 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 26.3 per 10,000 people, 7.7x the typical town's 3.4
- 5 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2026
What's left on the high street
- 15 pubs, 14 hairdressers, 2 charity shops, 1 bookmaker, 1 bank, 1 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 0.0% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (0 of 10) Better: Against the typical town's 4.0%
- 2 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Worse: 5.6 per 100,000 people, 1.6x the typical town's 3.4
- 9 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 2.5 per 10,000 people, 1.6x the typical town's 1.6
- 5 public swimming pools open Better: 1.4 per 10,000 people, 2x the typical English town's 0.7
- 1 place on England's Heritage at Risk register
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 8.34pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.4% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 20% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 14.6% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 6% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,718 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 12% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Fareham council
- £2,271 Band D council tax (2026-27) Better: £121 less than the English average
- 8% of Hampshire County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 50% lower than England's 16%
- None ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Locks Heath against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.