Crap Towns / Gloucestershire / Nailsworth
Nailsworth
21/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 21. Higher scores are crapper.
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Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
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Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Vegan pie and a heart attack hill
Forest Green Rovers, vegan food at the football, and a hill up to the ground that'll finish you off.
Nailsworth is a pretty little mill town with a football club that only sells vegan food. The ground is up a hill so steep you're knackered before kick off. After an evening match there's no getting home by bus, because the last one went at 8.52pm.
Otherwise it's clean, safe and full of farmers' market types and charity shops, at over six times the typical town's per head. Only 61.6% of premises can get gigabit, so the farmers' market types are buffering. It even has a town crier.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Nailsworth's 98 for broadband means it's crapper than 98% of towns.
- Broadband98/10038.4% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 19.2% across the Stroud council area
- Rain63/100135 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Serious road collisions52/1002.5 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Fly-tipping38/1008.9 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Stroud council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Anti-social behaviour37/10013.1 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Criminal damage and arson34/1005.9 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Food hygiene18/1000.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 54 food businesses with a rating
- Air pollution17/1004.9 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 5.9 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Sewage spills16/10026.6 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Deliberate fires0/1000.3 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 10 | Brockworth | 31 |
| 11 | Yate | 31 |
| 12 | Stoke Gifford | 30 |
| 13 | Churchdown | 24 |
| 14 | Frampton Cotterell and Winterbourne | 21 |
| – | Nailsworth | 21 |
| 15 | Bradley Stoke | 6 |
| 16 | Bishop's Cleeve | 6 |
| 17 | Thornbury | 2 |
Nailsworth by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 57.0 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 25% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 606 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 1,071 per 10,000 people, 315x the typical town's 3.4
What's left on the high street
- 4 pubs, 8 hairdressers, 5 charity shops, 1 bank on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 2 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 3.5 per 10,000 people, 2.2x the typical town's 1.6
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 8.52pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.5% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 0.5%
- 21.5% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 39% higher than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,549 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Stroud council
- £2,491 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £99 more than the English average
- 26% of Gloucestershire County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Worse: 1.6x England's 16%
- 1 ombudsman complaint upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Nailsworth against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.