Crap Towns / Gloucestershire / Bishop's Cleeve
Bishop's Cleeve
6/100Crap Score
Known as Bishops Cleevage.
928th crappest of 984 towns, and 16th in Gloucestershire. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
Got something to say about Bishop's Cleeve? Write in.
agree it's crap have defended it
Nothing to do and no signal to moan.
A giant housing estate under Cleeve Hill that still thinks it's a village.
Bishop's Cleeve says it's a village. It's a massive estate with a church, and they build another field of brick boxes every year. Nothing happens. Want a night out? Cheltenham. Want to ring someone and moan about it? You can't, the signal's shit, and 2.9% of homes and businesses are stuck without superfast either, nearly six times the typical town's share.
Crime's low, though, because there's nobody about. Nobody's setting fire to anything or smashing anything up, and there's no public swimming pool to get thrown out of. It's a village, apparently. They'll be building another one next to it by spring.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Bishop's Cleeve's 55 for sewage spills means it's crapper than 55% of towns.
- Sewage spills55/100340 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Broadband45/1005.3% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 12.3% across the Tewkesbury council area
- Anti-social behaviour44/10014.5 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Rain42/100124 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Air pollution32/1006.6 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 6.4 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Fly-tipping24/1007.0 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Tewkesbury council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Food hygiene20/1000.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 51 food businesses with a rating
- Deliberate fires12/1002.5 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Criminal damage and arson3/1003.1 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Serious road collisions0/1000.4 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 9 | Cirencester | 36 |
| 10 | Brockworth | 31 |
| 11 | Yate | 31 |
| 12 | Stoke Gifford | 30 |
| 13 | Churchdown | 24 |
| 14 | Frampton Cotterell and Winterbourne | 21 |
| 15 | Bradley Stoke | 6 |
| 16 | Bishop's Cleeve | 6 |
| 17 | Thornbury | 2 |
Bishop's Cleeve by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 41.7 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 45% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 490 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 300 per 10,000 people, 88.2x the typical town's 3.4
- 1 serious pollution incident within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2021
What's left on the high street
- 4 pubs, 5 hairdressers, 2 charity shops, 1 bookmaker on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 2 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Worse: 1.2 per 10,000 people, 25% lower than the typical town's 1.6
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11.45pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 2.9% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 5.8x the typical town's 0.5%
- 8.7% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 44% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,543 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Tewkesbury council
- £2,341 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £51 less than the English average
- 26% of Gloucestershire County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Worse: 1.6x England's 16%
- 1 ombudsman complaint upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Bishop's Cleeve against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.