Crap Towns / Gloucestershire / Cheltenham
Cheltenham
54/100Crap Score
456th crappest of 984 towns, and 4th in Gloucestershire. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Cheltenham. Race week is coming.
A posh spa town all year, until the Gold Cup turns it into a stag do.
Cheltenham is posh, Regency and very pleased with itself. Then race week comes, the roads gridlock and the town fills with drunks in tweed being sick in the flowerbeds. Locals call it the Nam. The useful shops have turned into coffee chains, London Road is a car park and there's more aggro than the manners suggest. Posh? Do me a favour.
Somebody nicks your bike at four times the typical town's rate. The takeaways are spotless, mind, so if you're sick in a flowerbed in race week, it wasn't the kebab.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Cheltenham's 85 for anti-social behaviour means it's crapper than 85% of towns.
- Anti-social behaviour85/10023.6 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Serious road collisions77/1003.2 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Rain63/100136 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Fly-tipping61/10011.2 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Cheltenham council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Criminal damage and arson50/1007.1 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Air pollution44/1007.9 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 6.5 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Deliberate fires39/1005.2 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Broadband37/1006.5% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 6.5% across the Cheltenham council area
- Sewage spills25/10068.5 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Food hygiene0/1000.4% rated 0 to 2, of the 813 food businesses with a rating
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Filton | 70 |
| 2 | Gloucester | 66 |
| 3 | Patchway | 57 |
| 4 | Cheltenham | 54 |
| 5 | Stroud | 44 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.6 | Kingswood and Fishponds | 39 |
| 7 | Tewkesbury | 38 |
| 8 | Quedgeley and Hardwicke | 37 |
| 9 | Cirencester | 36 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Cheltenham by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 85.4 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Worse: 12% higher than the typical town's 76.2
- 7,413 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 639 per 10,000 people, 187.9x the typical town's 3.4
- 5 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2026
What's left on the high street
- 63 pubs, 106 hairdressers, 33 charity shops, 12 bookmakers, 4 vape shops, 14 banks, 4 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 0.0% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (0 of 87) Better: Against the typical town's 4.0%
- 3 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Better: 2.6 per 100,000 people, 24% lower than the typical town's 3.4
- 35 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 3.0 per 10,000 people, 1.9x the typical town's 1.6
- 12 public swimming pools open; 2 closed for good since 2010 Better: 1.0 per 10,000 people, 43% higher than the typical English town's 0.7
- 2 places on England's Heritage at Risk register
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- All night buses on a Wednesday Better: The typical town's last bus goes at 12.14am
- 0.3% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 40% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 19.1% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 23% higher than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,532 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Cheltenham council
- £2,370 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £22 less than the English average
- 26% of Gloucestershire County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Worse: 1.6x England's 16%
- 1 ombudsman complaint upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Cheltenham against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.