Crap Towns / Cumbria / Millom
Millom
43/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 43. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
Got something to say about Millom? Write in.
agree it's crap have defended it
Keep going. No, further.
Even Barrow thinks it's the back of beyond. And there's no bus on a Sunday.
Millom is past Barrow. Past Barrow. Most of the country thinks Barrow is the end of the world, and Millom is round the other side of the estuary, further on. Locals tell people they live in the Lake District and hope nobody gets the map out.
It pisses down on 177 days a year, more than anywhere else in this corner of Cumbria. On a weeknight the last bus pulls out at 8.08pm. The ironworks shut years ago and the derelict buildings in the middle never got the message. The old mine workings at Hodbarrow are a nature reserve now, and the birds are doing better out of it than anyone.
The storm overflows spill for nearly nine times as long as the typical town's. Crime is next to nothing. There's nobody about to commit it.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Millom's 96 for rain means it's crapper than 96% of towns.
- Rain96/100177 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Sewage spills96/1002,430 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Deliberate fires68/1009.4 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Fly-tipping63/10012.6 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Cumberland council area, 2023-24 to 2024-25
- Serious road collisions52/1002.5 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Broadband46/1004.0% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 15.2% across the Cumberland council area
- Criminal damage and arson46/1006.7 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Food hygiene19/1000.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 52 food businesses with a rating
- Air pollution1/1002.0 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 4.5 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Anti-social behaviour0/1002.7 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Whitehaven | 75 |
| 2 | Workington | 75 |
| 3 | Barrow-in-Furness | 65 |
| 4 | Carlisle | 62 |
| – | Millom | 43 |
| 5 | Ulverston | 40 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.6 | Penrith | 25 |
| 7 | Kendal | 20 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Millom by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 48.4 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 36% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 2 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 About the same: 3.5 per 10,000 people, about the same as the typical town's 3.4
What's left on the high street
- 4 pubs, 7 hairdressers, 5 charity shops, 2 banks on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 2 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 3.5 per 10,000 people, 2.2x the typical town's 1.6
- None public swimming pools open; 1 closed for good since 2010 Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 8.08pm last bus out on a Wednesday, and none on a Sunday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.4% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 20% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 36.0% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 2.3x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,515 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Cumberland council
Have a crap-off
Millom against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.