Crap Towns / Hampshire / Marchwood
Marchwood
22/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 22. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Port, sewage works, tip. Welcome.
A quiet village with an army port, a sewage works and a lot of lorries.
Marchwood is a nice village on the edge of the New Forest with a military port, a sewage works and a waste site, so it's not always quiet and it doesn't always smell nice. Port lorries rumble through and the railway crossing holds everyone up. Nobody causes any trouble. They can't get out to.
The overflows round it ran for over ten times as long as the typical town's, so the sewage works isn't doing the smelling on its own. They built bits of the Mulberry harbour here for D-Day. There's been less to shout about since. 2 pubs, no public pool.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Marchwood's 98 for sewage spills means it's crapper than 98% of towns.
- Sewage spills98/1002,902 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2024 to 2025
- Broadband89/10016.6% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 22.6% across the New Forest council area
- Air pollution39/1008.3 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 6.0 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Serious road collisions37/1002.0 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Food hygiene36/1000.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 19 food businesses with a rating
- Fly-tipping30/1006.5 incidents per 1,000 people a year, New Forest council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Rain30/100121 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Deliberate fires20/1002.9 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Criminal damage and arson15/1004.5 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Anti-social behaviour1/1005.3 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 8 | Gosport | 28 |
| 9 | Totton | 28 |
| 10 | Petersfield | 26 |
| 11 | Aldershot | 23 |
| – | Marchwood | 22 |
| 12 | Tadley | 22 |
| 13 | Fareham | 20 |
| 14 | Lymington | 18 |
| 15 | Emsworth | 17 |
Marchwood by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 42.8 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 44% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 7 reports of abandoned vehicles on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 12.1 per 10,000 people, 13.4x the typical town's 0.9
What's left on the high street
- 2 pubs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.33am last bus out on a Wednesday Better: Later than the typical town's 12.14am
- 1.5% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 3x the typical town's 0.5%
- 5.0% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 68% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,702 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 11% higher than the typical town's 1,532
New Forest council
- £2,420 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £28 more than the English average
- 8% of Hampshire County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 50% lower than England's 16%
- 2 ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Marchwood against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.