Crap Towns / Cornwall / Launceston
Launceston
39/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 39. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Even the welcome stone's got nothing
A castle on the hill, empty banks on the way up and a welcome stone with nothing on it.
Launceston, Lanson if you're from here, has a castle on top of a very steep hill and empty shops all the way up it. Someone put a question mark on the blank welcome stone. Nobody's come up with anything better since.
The banks have announced 5 branch closures, over 17 times the typical town's rate, and 7.8% of premises can't get superfast broadband, so you can't really bank online either. You get rain on 168 days a year and sewage comes out of the overflows for over seven times as long as in the typical town. Even the old south gate's on the Heritage at Risk list.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Launceston's 96 for broadband means it's crapper than 96% of towns.
- Broadband96/10020.2% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 34.0% across the Cornwall council area
- Sewage spills94/1002,039 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Rain91/100168 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Criminal damage and arson70/1008.6 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Anti-social behaviour57/10016.2 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Serious road collisions26/1001.7 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Fly-tipping16/1005.7 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Cornwall council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Deliberate fires13/1002.4 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Food hygiene11/1000.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 72 food businesses with a rating
- Air pollution4/1003.3 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 5.0 of fine particles, 2024 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 5 | St Austell | 54 |
| 6 | Newquay | 51 |
| 7 | Falmouth | 46 |
| 8 | Camborne | 42 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.– | Launceston | 39 |
| 9 | Saltash | 38 |
| 10 | Redruth | 33 |
| 11 | Helston | 25 |
| 12 | Penryn | 24 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Launceston by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 84.5 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Worse: 11% higher than the typical town's 76.2
- 2 reports of graffiti and fly-posting on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026
What's left on the high street
- 5 pubs, 2 hairdressers, 5 charity shops, 1 bookmaker, 2 banks, 1 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 0.0% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (0 of 10) Better: Against the typical town's 4.0%
- 5 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Worse: 59.3 per 100,000 people, 17.4x the typical town's 3.4
- 6 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 7.1 per 10,000 people, 4.4x the typical town's 1.6
- 2 public swimming pools open Better: 2.4 per 10,000 people, 3.4x the typical English town's 0.7
- 2 places on England's Heritage at Risk register
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 10.41pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 7.8% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 15.6x the typical town's 0.5%
- 14.8% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space About the same: About the same as the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,590 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Cornwall council
Have a crap-off
Launceston against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.