Crap Towns / Essex / Hullbridge
Hullbridge
7/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 7. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Where's the bridge?
A nice river, a lane that floods and a bridge that went missing years ago.
Hullbridge is named after a bridge it hasn't got. The river's nice, there's boating on the Crouch and old smuggling stories at Brandy Hole, and the crime's so low it's hard to get properly cross. Watery Lane floods, which is what you get for calling it that.
There isn't a single public park, and over half the village lives more than 400 metres from anywhere to play. The storm overflows spilled for nearly twice the typical town's hours, so the river's had a bit put in it too. Low hygiene ratings run at four times the typical town. That's about it.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Hullbridge's 76 for food hygiene means it's crapper than 76% of towns.
- Food hygiene76/10010.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 20 food businesses with a rating
- Air pollution68/1008.9 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.2 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Sewage spills65/100502 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Broadband53/1007.9% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 10.1% across the Rochford council area
- Fly-tipping24/1007.0 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Rochford council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Serious road collisions7/1000.7 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Anti-social behaviour2/1003.9 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Rain2/100107 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Deliberate fires1/1000.5 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Criminal damage and arson1/1002.4 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 26 | Great Dunmow | 13 |
| 27 | Halstead | 12 |
| 28 | Rayleigh | 11 |
| 29 | Chelmsford | 9 |
| – | Hullbridge | 7 |
| 30 | Hockley and Hawkwell | 7 |
| 31 | Maldon | 6 |
| 32 | Saffron Walden | 1 |
| 33 | South Woodham Ferrers | 0 |
Hullbridge by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 43.8 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 43% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 1 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Better: 1.8 per 10,000 people, 47% lower than the typical town's 3.4
What's left on the high street
- 2 pubs, 2 hairdressers on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 2 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 3.5 per 10,000 people, 2.2x the typical town's 1.6
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11.26pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- Under 0.1% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: Far lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 56.8% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space, and OS maps no public park here Worse: 3.7x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,722 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 12% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Rochford council
- £2,363 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £29 less than the English average
- 10% of Essex County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 38% lower than England's 16%
- None ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Hullbridge against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.