Crap Towns / Hampshire / Holbury
Holbury
20/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 20. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
Got something to say about Holbury? Write in.
agree it's crap have defended it
What was that bang?
Holbury is a quiet New Forest village, apart from the refinery next door going bang and rattling the windows.
Holbury is a quiet New Forest village with hardly any crime and no vandals. It's also next door to an oil refinery that goes bang loud enough to rattle your windows. Estate agents point the camera at the old manor and its moat. They never point it the other way. Funny, that. Meanwhile new houses are filling in the fields.
The sun's out for 1,765 hours a year, mostly lighting up the chimneys. Nearly a fifth of premises can't get gigabit broadband, so you can't even turn the telly up over the bangs.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Holbury's 91 for broadband means it's crapper than 91% of towns.
- Broadband91/10017.9% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 22.6% across the New Forest council area
- Sewage spills57/100362 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2024 to 2025
- Deliberate fires55/1006.0 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Serious road collisions46/1002.3 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Rain45/100125 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Food hygiene34/1000.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 22 food businesses with a rating
- Air pollution34/1007.5 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 5.9 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Fly-tipping30/1006.5 incidents per 1,000 people a year, New Forest council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Criminal damage and arson10/1004.1 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Anti-social behaviour1/1005.4 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 9 | Totton | 28 |
| 10 | Petersfield | 26 |
| 11 | Aldershot | 23 |
| 12 | Tadley | 22 |
| – | Holbury | 20 |
| 13 | Fareham | 20 |
| 14 | Lymington | 18 |
| 15 | Emsworth | 17 |
| 16 | Waterlooville | 14 |
Holbury by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 45.7 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 40% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 34 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 46.4 per 10,000 people, 13.6x the typical town's 3.4
- 2 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2025
What's left on the high street
- 3 pubs, 3 hairdressers, 1 charity shop, 1 bookmaker on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 2 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 2.7 per 10,000 people, 1.7x the typical town's 1.6
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 1.05am last bus out on a Wednesday Better: Later than the typical town's 12.14am
- 1.0% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 2x the typical town's 0.5%
- 13.3% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 14% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,765 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 15% higher than the typical town's 1,532
New Forest council
- £2,420 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £28 more than the English average
- 8% of Hampshire County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 50% lower than England's 16%
- 2 ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Holbury against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.