Crap Towns / Hampshire / Denmead
Denmead
11/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 11. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Not Waterlooville, thanks.
A quiet village whose biggest fear is a field getting built on and joining it to Waterlooville.
Denmead is quiet, leafy and nobody does anything wrong, and it'd like to keep it that way. The big fear is someone building on the gap and turning it into Waterlooville. Crime's about a third of the typical town's, so the war is over the pinch points on Forest Road instead.
There's no bus after 6.11pm and there's nothing on a Sunday, which keeps Waterlooville out better than any field. The local yobs have been setting fires, though, more per head than in the typical town, so not everyone in Denmead is as well behaved as they make out.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Denmead's 78 for broadband means it's crapper than 78% of towns.
- Broadband78/1004.5% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 30.7% across the Winchester council area
- Deliberate fires65/1008.3 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Sewage spills48/100253 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2024 to 2025
- Rain47/100126 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Food hygiene35/1000.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 21 food businesses with a rating
- Serious road collisions31/1001.8 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Air pollution29/1007.0 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 6.0 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Fly-tipping24/1006.9 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Winchester council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Criminal damage and arson4/1003.2 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Anti-social behaviour0/1004.4 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 18 | Yateley | 12 |
| 19 | Andover | 11 |
| 20 | Winchester | 11 |
| 21 | Romsey | 11 |
| – | Denmead | 11 |
| 22 | Farnborough | 10 |
| 23 | West End | 10 |
| 24 | Locks Heath | 9 |
| 25 | Alton | 9 |
Denmead by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 27.4 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 64% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 41 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 63.0 per 10,000 people, 18.5x the typical town's 3.4
What's left on the high street
- 4 pubs, 2 hairdressers on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 2 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 3.1 per 10,000 people, 1.9x the typical town's 1.6
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 6.11pm last bus out on a Wednesday, and none on a Sunday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.8% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 1.6x the typical town's 0.5%
- 16.2% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space About the same: About the same as the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,634 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 7% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Winchester council
- £2,360 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £32 less than the English average
- 8% of Hampshire County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 50% lower than England's 16%
- None ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Denmead against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.