Crap Towns / Hertfordshire / Chiswell Green
Chiswell Green
2/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 2. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
Got something to say about Chiswell Green? Write in.
agree it's crap have defended it
A very respectable fuss.
Clean, quiet and tidy. Everyone's fuming about the new houses.
Chiswell Green's annoyingly fine. Hardly any crime, no sewage spills at all, and 99% of it can get gigabit broadband, so the objections to the new houses go in nice and quick. There's a load of scientists studying insects, and that's the excitement. When they're not on about the houses it's the lorries on Watford Road.
What it hasn't got is a park. Not one on the map, so four in ten people are more than a short walk from anywhere with a swing. The pool shut in 2024 and there's 1 pub. Now they want the green belt too, and it's the only green bit anyone can get to.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Chiswell Green's 86 for air pollution means it's crapper than 86% of towns.
- Air pollution86/10010.8 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.6 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Food hygiene33/1000.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 24 food businesses with a rating
- Rain29/100120 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Anti-social behaviour25/10011.1 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Serious road collisions22/1001.5 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Deliberate fires17/1002.7 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Fly-tipping11/1004.9 incidents per 1,000 people a year, St Albans council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Broadband9/1001.0% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 6.5% across the St Albans council area
- Criminal damage and arson7/1003.7 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Sewage spills2/1000.0 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 19 | St Albans | 18 |
| 20 | Ware | 8 |
| 21 | Sawbridgeworth | 7 |
| 22 | Hertford | 7 |
| 23 | Abbots Langley and Kings Langley | 7 |
| 24 | Rickmansworth | 4 |
| 25 | Harpenden | 3 |
| – | Chiswell Green | 2 |
| 26 | Chorleywood | 0 |
Chiswell Green by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 35.2 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 54% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 21 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 31.4 per 10,000 people, 9.2x the typical town's 3.4
- 1 serious pollution incident within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2024
What's left on the high street
- 1 pub on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- None public swimming pools open; 1 closed for good since 2010 Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.56am last bus out on a Wednesday Better: Later than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.1% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 80% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 40.8% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space, and OS maps no public park here Worse: 2.6x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,619 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 6% higher than the typical town's 1,532
St Albans council
- £2,419 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £27 more than the English average
- 18% of Hertfordshire County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Worse: 13% higher than England's 16%
- 4 ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Chiswell Green against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.