Crap Towns / Hertfordshire / St Albans
St Albans
18/100Crap Score
Known as Snorbens.
805th crappest of 984 towns, and 19th in Hertfordshire. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
St Albans. Too good for Hemel.
Roman ruins, a cathedral and house prices that'll make you weep.
St Albans is annoyingly decent and it knows it. Roman ruins, a lovely park, a proper market and a cathedral. Locals call it Snob Albans, and the house prices back them up. There's 1 Greggs for the whole city, which tells you everything.
It's not all perfect. The anti-social behaviour runs a quarter above the typical town's, which is a lot of shouting for a cathedral city, and the air's dirtier than the typical town's too. Hemel fans hate it. You can see why.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
St Albans's 83 for air pollution means it's crapper than 83% of towns.
- Air pollution83/10010.5 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.6 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Anti-social behaviour68/10017.7 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Deliberate fires45/1005.7 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Food hygiene37/1002.1% rated 0 to 2, of the 440 food businesses with a rating
- Serious road collisions36/1002.1 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Broadband34/1005.9% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 6.5% across the St Albans council area
- Criminal damage and arson29/1005.5 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Rain22/100118 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Fly-tipping11/1004.9 incidents per 1,000 people a year, St Albans council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Sewage spills2/1000.0 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 15 | Cheshunt | 21 |
| 16 | Bishop's Stortford | 19 |
| 17 | Tring | 19 |
| 18 | Royston | 18 |
| 19 | St Albans | 18 |
| 20 | Ware | 8 |
| 21 | Sawbridgeworth | 7 |
| 22 | Hertford | 7 |
| 23 | Abbots Langley and Kings Langley | 7 |
St Albans by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 67.7 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 11% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 102 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 13.5 per 10,000 people, 4x the typical town's 3.4
- 1 serious pollution incident within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2018
What's left on the high street
- 40 pubs, 44 hairdressers, 8 charity shops, 2 bookmakers, 2 vape shops, 10 banks, 1 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 2.3% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (1 of 43) Better: 43% lower than the typical town's 4.0%
- 1 bank branch closure announced since 2022 Better: 1.3 per 100,000 people, 62% lower than the typical town's 3.4
- 20 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 2.6 per 10,000 people, 1.6x the typical town's 1.6
- 12 public swimming pools open; 4 closed for good since 2010 Better: 1.6 per 10,000 people, 2.3x the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 1.03am last bus out on a Wednesday Better: Later than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.5% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 0.5%
- 8.5% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 45% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,620 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 6% higher than the typical town's 1,532
St Albans council
- £2,419 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £27 more than the English average
- 18% of Hertfordshire County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Worse: 13% higher than England's 16%
- 4 ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
St Albans against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.