Crap Towns / Hertfordshire / Bishop's Stortford
Bishop's Stortford
19/100Crap Score
795th crappest of 984 towns, and 16th in Hertfordshire. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Call it Stortford or get a lecture
Commuter town under the Stansted flight path. Call it Bishops and you'll get a lecture.
Stortford's a commuter town with a castle mound and no castle, and a plane going over your head every few minutes. Call it Bishops and some git will correct you. Call it Bishop's Shitford and you're probably from Harlow.
For a comfortable commuter town there's a fair bit of aggro, with anti-social behaviour 45% up on the typical town's. Mind your wallet as well, the pickpockets are busy. 3 of the 28 takeaways have a low hygiene rating. Still, the biggest row in town is the one about its name, and every local argument ends up there eventually.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Bishop's Stortford's 77 for anti-social behaviour means it's crapper than 77% of towns.
- Anti-social behaviour77/10020.5 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Broadband77/10011.4% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 16.0% across the East Hertfordshire council area
- Air pollution62/1008.4 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.2 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Food hygiene44/1002.2% rated 0 to 2, of the 224 food businesses with a rating
- Serious road collisions29/1001.9 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Rain21/100118 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Criminal damage and arson21/1005.0 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Deliberate fires13/1002.9 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Sewage spills11/1009.6 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Fly-tipping10/1004.7 incidents per 1,000 people a year, East Hertfordshire council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 12 | Letchworth | 28 |
| 13 | Hoddesdon | 28 |
| 14 | Berkhamsted | 22 |
| 15 | Cheshunt | 21 |
| 16 | Bishop's Stortford | 19 |
| 17 | Tring | 19 |
| 18 | Royston | 18 |
| 19 | St Albans | 18 |
| 20 | Ware | 8 |
Bishop's Stortford by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 63.8 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 16% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 27 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 6.6 per 10,000 people, 1.9x the typical town's 3.4
- 3 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2023
What's left on the high street
- 17 pubs, 36 hairdressers, 10 charity shops, 5 bookmakers, 3 vape shops, 6 banks, 1 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 10.7% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (3 of 28) Worse: 2.7x the typical town's 4.0%
- 2 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Worse: 4.9 per 100,000 people, 44% higher than the typical town's 3.4
- 8 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 2.0 per 10,000 people, 25% higher than the typical town's 1.6
- 5 public swimming pools open; 1 closed for good since 2010 Better: 1.2 per 10,000 people, 1.7x the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.25am last bus out on a Wednesday About the same: About the same as the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.7% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 40% higher than the typical town's 0.5%
- 7.5% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 52% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,601 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
East Hertfordshire council
- £2,455 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £63 more than the English average
- 18% of Hertfordshire County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Worse: 13% higher than England's 16%
- 1 ombudsman complaint upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Bishop's Stortford against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.