Crap Towns / Hertfordshire / Berkhamsted
Berkhamsted
22/100Crap Score
768th crappest of 984 towns, and 14th in Hertfordshire. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Range Rovers and nowhere to put them.
Castle ruins and expensive houses. The Aldi bag came from Hemel, but nobody needs to know.
Berko's got a castle by the station, a canal and houses that cost a fortune and come with a garden on a slope you could ski down. Every kerb's got an SUV on it the size of a shed. Trains rattle through all night. Locals sneak off to the Aldi in Hemel and pray nobody spots them, and they've never got over sharing a dialling code with the place.
For all the money, the broadband's shocking: more than three times the typical town's share of homes can't get superfast. There's no bus at all on a Sunday and the last one on a Wednesday goes at 8.20pm, so the Range Rover stays. Not one kitchen in town has a low hygiene rating. Of course it hasn't.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Berkhamsted's 89 for broadband means it's crapper than 89% of towns.
- Broadband89/10020.8% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 13.7% across the Dacorum council area
- Air pollution66/1008.6 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.2 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Fly-tipping62/10012.0 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Dacorum council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Sewage spills56/100351 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Rain51/100128 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Deliberate fires36/1004.9 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Anti-social behaviour36/10012.8 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Criminal damage and arson9/1003.9 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Serious road collisions3/1000.9 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Food hygiene3/1000.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 129 food businesses with a rating
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 10 | Watford | 38 |
| 11 | Hitchin | 35 |
| 12 | Letchworth | 28 |
| 13 | Hoddesdon | 28 |
| 14 | Berkhamsted | 22 |
| 15 | Cheshunt | 21 |
| 16 | Bishop's Stortford | 19 |
| 17 | Tring | 19 |
| 18 | Royston | 18 |
Berkhamsted by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 41.1 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 46% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 154 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 72.5 per 10,000 people, 21.3x the typical town's 3.4
- 3 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2024
What's left on the high street
- 13 pubs, 12 hairdressers, 6 charity shops, 1 bookmaker, 2 banks, 1 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 0.0% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (0 of 12) Better: Against the typical town's 4.0%
- 1 bank branch closure announced since 2022 Worse: 4.7 per 100,000 people, 38% higher than the typical town's 3.4
- 7 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 3.3 per 10,000 people, 2.1x the typical town's 1.6
- 2 public swimming pools open; 1 closed for good since 2010 Better: 0.9 per 10,000 people, 29% higher than the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 8.20pm last bus out on a Wednesday, and none on a Sunday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 1.6% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 3.2x the typical town's 0.5%
- 33.2% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 2.1x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,580 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Dacorum council
- £2,409 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £17 more than the English average
- 18% of Hertfordshire County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Worse: 13% higher than England's 16%
- 4 ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Berkhamsted against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.