Crap Towns / Hertfordshire / Hoddesdon
Hoddesdon
28/100Crap Score
711th crappest of 984 towns, and 13th in Hertfordshire. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Watch where you tread.
Hoddesdon has a Clock Tower, a museum and a path everyone calls dog-shit alley.
Hoddesdon was an old coaching stop with a Clock Tower and a museum, and it's tidy enough. Then there's the cut-through by the library, which everyone calls dog-shit alley, for obvious reasons. The station's a long walk from the centre, and you'll want a sit down after that alley.
The banks have cleared off. Barclays, Halifax, HSBC and Lloyds all shut a branch, nearly three times the typical town's rate. The kitchens are spotless, mind: 1 dodgy rating out of 205. Hoddesdon's not that bad. It just smells like it in places.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Hoddesdon's 80 for air pollution means it's crapper than 80% of towns.
- Air pollution80/10010.2 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.4 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Anti-social behaviour65/10017.5 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Fly-tipping65/10013.2 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Broxbourne council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Deliberate fires62/1007.4 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Broadband47/1008.0% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 7.9% across the Broxbourne council area
- Serious road collisions25/1001.8 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Criminal damage and arson24/1005.2 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Sewage spills16/10027.2 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Rain10/100113 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Food hygiene4/1000.5% rated 0 to 2, of the 205 food businesses with a rating
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 9 | Welwyn Garden City | 42 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.10 | Watford | 38 |
| 11 | Hitchin | 35 |
| 12 | Letchworth | 28 |
| 13 | Hoddesdon | 28 |
| 14 | Berkhamsted | 22 |
| 15 | Cheshunt | 21 |
| 16 | Bishop's Stortford | 19 |
| 17 | Tring | 19 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Hoddesdon by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 64.8 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 15% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 96 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 23.6 per 10,000 people, 6.9x the typical town's 3.4
- 6 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2025
What's left on the high street
- 14 pubs, 22 hairdressers, 7 charity shops, 5 bookmakers, 4 banks on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 3.9% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (1 of 26) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 4.0%
- 4 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Worse: 9.8 per 100,000 people, 2.9x the typical town's 3.4
- 4 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Worse: 1.0 per 10,000 people, 38% lower than the typical town's 1.6
- 2 public swimming pools open Worse: 0.5 per 10,000 people, 29% lower than the typical English town's 0.7
- 1 place on England's Heritage at Risk register
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11.15pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.3% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 40% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 18.4% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 19% higher than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,615 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 5% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Broxbourne council
- £2,306 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £86 less than the English average
- 18% of Hertfordshire County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Worse: 13% higher than England's 16%
- 1 ombudsman complaint upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Hoddesdon against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.