Crap Towns / Hertfordshire / Abbots Langley and Kings Langley
Abbots Langley and Kings Langley
7/100Crap Score
920th crappest of 984 towns, and 23rd in Hertfordshire. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Posh enough to bore you to death
Ever been? No. Nobody has. It's nice, apparently.
The Langleys are two posh villages next to Hemel, clean, safe and boring as shit. Kings used to make a bedtime drink, and Abbots has a high street you'd miss if you blinked, so between them they've got sleep sorted. Kings had a royal palace once. That's gone. So's the swimming pool.
The M25 runs past the end of the garden and you can tell: the nitrogen dioxide is nearly a third higher than the typical town's. On a Sunday the buses all but give up, and the last one on a weekday goes at 10.36pm. The biggest row in years is over somebody wanting a data centre in the fields. A data centre, in a place where four times the typical town's share of homes can't get superfast broadband.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Abbots Langley and Kings Langley's 84 for air pollution means it's crapper than 84% of towns.
- Air pollution84/10010.7 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.5 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Broadband63/10011.2% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 8.5% across the Three Rivers council area
- Rain40/100124 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Anti-social behaviour40/10013.5 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Serious road collisions31/1001.9 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Deliberate fires29/1004.2 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Criminal damage and arson12/1004.2 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Fly-tipping10/1004.7 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Three Rivers council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Food hygiene7/1000.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 90 food businesses with a rating
- Sewage spills5/1000.1 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 18 | Royston | 18 |
| 19 | St Albans | 18 |
| 20 | Ware | 8 |
| 21 | Sawbridgeworth | 7 |
| 22 | Hertford | 7 |
| 23 | Abbots Langley and Kings Langley | 7 |
| 24 | Rickmansworth | 4 |
| 25 | Harpenden | 3 |
| 26 | Chorleywood | 0 |
Abbots Langley and Kings Langley by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 47.4 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 38% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 31 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 17.0 per 10,000 people, 5x the typical town's 3.4
What's left on the high street
- 12 pubs, 10 hairdressers, 2 charity shops, 2 bookmakers on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 0.0% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (0 of 10) Better: Against the typical town's 4.0%
- 4 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 2.2 per 10,000 people, 38% higher than the typical town's 1.6
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 10.36pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 2.1% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 4.2x the typical town's 0.5%
- 20.5% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 32% higher than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,615 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 5% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Three Rivers council
- £2,422 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £30 more than the English average
- 18% of Hertfordshire County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Worse: 13% higher than England's 16%
- 5 ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Abbots Langley and Kings Langley against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.