Crap Towns / Hertfordshire / Hemel Hempstead
Hemel Hempstead
50/100Crap Score
494th crappest of 984 towns, and 4th in Hertfordshire. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Hemel. Which bloody way?
A roundabout made of roundabouts and a town centre you don't want after dark.
Hemel Hempstead is home of the Magic Roundabout, a roundabout made of smaller roundabouts that sends visitors round it in tears. The old High Street's nice. The new town centre is shoplifting, people kicking off and a feeling you shouldn't be there after dark. Anti-social behaviour runs at nearly twice the typical town.
Not that you could hang about after dark if you wanted to. Evening buses run at half the typical town's rate, and the last one on a Wednesday goes at 11.23pm, so it's the Magic Roundabout on foot. Locals call it Treacle Bumpstead and swear there are treacle mines under it. Bless them.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Hemel Hempstead's 89 for anti-social behaviour means it's crapper than 89% of towns.
- Anti-social behaviour89/10026.4 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Air pollution79/1009.9 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.5 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Fly-tipping62/10012.0 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Dacorum council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Deliberate fires54/1005.9 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Broadband53/1006.1% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 13.7% across the Dacorum council area
- Criminal damage and arson52/1007.2 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Rain46/100126 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Serious road collisions31/1001.9 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Sewage spills27/10076.8 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Food hygiene9/1001.2% rated 0 to 2, of the 502 food businesses with a rating
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Waltham Cross | 78 |
| 2 | Hatfield | 67 |
| 3 | Borehamwood | 50 |
| 4 | Hemel Hempstead | 50 |
| 5 | Stevenage | 50 |
| 6 | Baldock | 45 |
| 7 | Potters Bar | 43 |
| 8 | Bushey | 42 |
| 9 | Welwyn Garden City | 42 |
Hemel Hempstead by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 82.1 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Worse: 8% higher than the typical town's 76.2
- 232 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 24.2 per 10,000 people, 7.1x the typical town's 3.4
What's left on the high street
- 32 pubs, 19 hairdressers, 5 charity shops, 1 bookmaker, 2 vape shops, 5 banks, 2 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 1.4% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (1 of 72) Better: 65% lower than the typical town's 4.0%
- 2 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Better: 2.1 per 100,000 people, 38% lower than the typical town's 3.4
- 7 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Worse: 0.7 per 10,000 people, 56% lower than the typical town's 1.6
- 9 public swimming pools open; 3 closed for good since 2010 Better: 0.9 per 10,000 people, 29% higher than the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11.23pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 1.0% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 2x the typical town's 0.5%
- 10.8% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 30% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,597 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Dacorum council
- £2,409 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £17 more than the English average
- 18% of Hertfordshire County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Worse: 13% higher than England's 16%
- 4 ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Hemel Hempstead against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.