Crap Towns / Hertfordshire / Harpenden
Harpenden
3/100Crap Score
954th crappest of 984 towns, and 25th in Hertfordshire. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Call it South Luton. Watch them go.
Rich commuters, big cars and a town centre they insist on calling the village.
Harpenden is posh, expensive and a bit dull, and it only admits to the first of those. They call the town centre the Village, and people pay a fortune to live near it. For a night out you go to St Albans. Call it South Luton if you want to start a fight.
Crime sits at about half the typical town's rate and the council recycles nearly 60% of what goes in the bins, so they've got that over you as well. The banks still left. Barclays and HSBC both shut. And the kitchens aren't as spotless as the postcode: low hygiene ratings are 1.7 times as common as in the typical town. Somebody in Harpenden has had a dodgy sandwich and blamed Luton.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Harpenden's 74 for air pollution means it's crapper than 74% of towns.
- Air pollution74/1009.4 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.3 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Food hygiene72/1004.1% rated 0 to 2, of the 148 food businesses with a rating
- Broadband35/1006.0% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 6.5% across the St Albans council area
- Rain22/100118 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Sewage spills22/10049.1 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Anti-social behaviour19/10010.2 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Fly-tipping11/1004.9 incidents per 1,000 people a year, St Albans council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Deliberate fires8/1002.3 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Serious road collisions5/1001.0 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Criminal damage and arson4/1003.3 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 18 | Royston | 18 |
| 19 | St Albans | 18 |
| 20 | Ware | 8 |
| 21 | Sawbridgeworth | 7 |
| 22 | Hertford | 7 |
| 23 | Abbots Langley and Kings Langley | 7 |
| 24 | Rickmansworth | 4 |
| 25 | Harpenden | 3 |
| 26 | Chorleywood | 0 |
Harpenden by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 37.9 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 50% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 99 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 32.0 per 10,000 people, 9.4x the typical town's 3.4
- 1 serious pollution incident within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2016
What's left on the high street
- 20 pubs, 12 hairdressers, 7 charity shops, 1 bookmaker, 1 vape shop, 1 bank on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 0.0% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (0 of 13) Better: Against the typical town's 4.0%
- 2 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Worse: 6.5 per 100,000 people, 1.9x the typical town's 3.4
- 4 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Worse: 1.3 per 10,000 people, 19% lower than the typical town's 1.6
- 2 public swimming pools open; 1 closed for good since 2010 Worse: 0.6 per 10,000 people, 14% lower than the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.06am last bus out on a Wednesday About the same: About the same as the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.7% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 40% higher than the typical town's 0.5%
- 19.4% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 25% higher than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,613 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 5% higher than the typical town's 1,532
St Albans council
- £2,419 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £27 more than the English average
- 18% of Hertfordshire County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Worse: 13% higher than England's 16%
- 4 ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Harpenden against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.