Crap Towns / County Durham / Brandon
Brandon
77/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 77. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Dog muck, litter and no lights.
Old pit village near Durham. Dog shit, litter, dark streets and not much else.
Brandon? The pit's shut, the stone went to build the castle down the road, and what's left is dog shit, litter, broken paths and street lights so dim you'll step right in it. Vandalism is worse than most places this size and there's nothing for the kids to do. Except vandalism. They're good at that.
There's no public park on the map and no swimming pool, so the kids have a point. More than half the village lives over 400 metres from anywhere to play. Somebody's setting fire to things at over five times the typical town's rate. There's 13 hairdressers, mind, so the vandals are well turned out.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Brandon's 94 for deliberate fires means it's crapper than 94% of towns.
- Deliberate fires94/10032.1 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Sewage spills87/1001,311 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Criminal damage and arson87/10011.0 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Broadband66/1008.8% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 14.6% across the County Durham council area
- Anti-social behaviour65/10017.3 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Fly-tipping56/10010.5 incidents per 1,000 people a year, County Durham council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Food hygiene50/1002.6% rated 0 to 2, of the 39 food businesses with a rating
- Rain50/100128 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Serious road collisions46/1002.3 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Air pollution12/1005.0 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 5.3 of fine particles, 2024 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 2 | Stanley | 88 |
| 3 | Darlington | 80 |
| 4 | Hartlepool | 79 |
| 5 | Chester-le-Street | 77 |
| – | Brandon | 77 |
| 6 | Spennymoor | 74 |
| 7 | Stockton-on-Tees | 73 |
| 8 | Peterlee | 71 |
| 9 | Durham | 70 |
Brandon by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 81.5 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Worse: 7% higher than the typical town's 76.2
- 2 reports of fly-tipping on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 2.1 per 10,000 people, 1.9x the typical town's 1.1
What's left on the high street
- 4 pubs, 13 hairdressers, 4 charity shops, 1 bookmaker on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 1 public toilet on the map (October 2026) Worse: 1.1 per 10,000 people, 31% lower than the typical town's 1.6
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11.48pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.8% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 1.6x the typical town's 0.5%
- 56.8% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space, and OS maps no public park here Worse: 3.7x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,502 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
County Durham council
Have a crap-off
Brandon against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.