Crap Towns / Hampshire / Bordon
Bordon
27/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 27. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Boredom, with trees.
The Army left. The houses came. The shops, the cinema and a station never bothered.
Bordon was an Army town till the Army had the sense to leave. Now it's an eco-town, which means loads of new houses and a town centre that's been coming soon for years. No station, and the cinema's late. Locals call it Boredom, and they're not joking. The woods are nice. Go for a walk. Again.
It's got 1 pub and 2 bookies, so the flutter beats the pint. There's no park, but there are play spaces at four times the typical town's per head and public toilets at four times as well. Somebody's planned for the kids and the bladders. The grown-ups are still waiting on the cinema.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Bordon's 92 for broadband means it's crapper than 92% of towns.
- Broadband92/10018.1% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 26.2% across the East Hampshire council area
- Deliberate fires58/1006.6 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Sewage spills53/100316 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Food hygiene49/1002.3% rated 0 to 2, of the 43 food businesses with a rating
- Fly-tipping45/10010.2 incidents per 1,000 people a year, East Hampshire council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Criminal damage and arson42/1006.5 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Rain39/100123 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Air pollution27/1006.3 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 6.2 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Anti-social behaviour24/10010.9 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Serious road collisions8/1001.0 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 6 | New Milton | 32 |
| 7 | Eastleigh | 29 |
| 8 | Gosport | 28 |
| 9 | Totton | 28 |
| – | Bordon | 27 |
| 10 | Petersfield | 26 |
| 11 | Aldershot | 23 |
| 12 | Tadley | 22 |
| 13 | Fareham | 20 |
Bordon by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 73.3 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 76.2
- 77 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 82.4 per 10,000 people, 24.2x the typical town's 3.4
What's left on the high street
- 1 pub, 1 hairdresser, 2 bookmakers on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 1 banking hub opened here
- 6 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 6.4 per 10,000 people, 4x the typical town's 1.6
- 2 public swimming pools open; 1 closed for good since 2010 Better: 2.1 per 10,000 people, 3x the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 10.10pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.2% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 60% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 17.2% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space, and OS maps no public park here Worse: 11% higher than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,631 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 6% higher than the typical town's 1,532
East Hampshire council
- £2,344 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £48 less than the English average
- 8% of Hampshire County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 50% lower than England's 16%
- 4 ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Bordon against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.