Crap Towns / Hampshire / Bishop's Waltham
Bishop's Waltham
9/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 9. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Bishop's Waltham. It's the parking.
Nice little market town. The only crime is where people leave their cars.
Bishop's Waltham is clean, quiet and has hardly any trouble, so the locals fight about parking instead. On the dropped kerbs, in the loading bays, across your drive at school time. Someone's always tanking it down Beeches Hill. For such a nice little place it's still found room for a bookies.
Out on the Moors there are springs that bubble up through the sand, and that's the most excitement going. Premises that can't get superfast broadband run at nearly seven times the typical town's share, Lloyds has gone, and the buses stop at 7.27pm.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Bishop's Waltham's 97 for broadband means it's crapper than 97% of towns.
- Broadband97/10025.2% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 30.7% across the Winchester council area
- Food hygiene54/1003.1% rated 0 to 2, of the 32 food businesses with a rating
- Serious road collisions43/1002.2 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Rain40/100124 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Air pollution32/1007.3 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 5.9 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Fly-tipping24/1006.9 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Winchester council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Deliberate fires24/1003.4 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Sewage spills6/1001.2 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2024 to 2025
- Criminal damage and arson5/1003.5 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Anti-social behaviour5/1006.9 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 22 | Farnborough | 10 |
| 23 | West End | 10 |
| 24 | Locks Heath | 9 |
| 25 | Alton | 9 |
| – | Bishop's Waltham | 9 |
| 26 | Hythe and Dibden Purlieu | 6 |
| 27 | South Hayling | 5 |
| 28 | Hedge End | 4 |
| 29 | Horndean | 3 |
Bishop's Waltham by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 45.1 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 41% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 10 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 14.4 per 10,000 people, 4.2x the typical town's 3.4
- 1 serious pollution incident within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2022
What's left on the high street
- 4 pubs, 5 hairdressers, 2 charity shops, 1 bookmaker on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 1 bank branch closure announced since 2022 Worse: 14.4 per 100,000 people, 4.2x the typical town's 3.4
- 1 public toilet on the map (October 2026) Worse: 1.4 per 10,000 people, 13% lower than the typical town's 1.6
- 1 public swimming pool open Better: 1.4 per 10,000 people, 2x the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 7.27pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 3.4% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 6.8x the typical town's 0.5%
- 6.7% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space, and OS maps no public park here Better: 57% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,643 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 7% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Winchester council
- £2,360 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £32 less than the English average
- 8% of Hampshire County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 50% lower than England's 16%
- None ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Bishop's Waltham against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.