A whole village and nowhere to eat.

They called it the Millennium Village and forgot to put anything in it. Nowhere to eat, no nightlife, the library shut in 2011, and the bus into Leeds takes so long you've sobered up by the time you're home. Shoplifting's next to nothing, which tells you how many shops there are.

It's got the Aire and the riverside walks, and storm overflows nearby that spill for over nine times as long as the typical town's. When the river floods, nobody can get in. Except the fly-tippers. They always bloody manage. Some bright spark keeps setting the grass and woods alight as well, at nearly nine times the typical rate, so the nature reserves are having a lovely time of it.

The editor, still on the bus back from Leeds