Pudsey. Like the bear, but less cuddly.

Pudsey gave its name to the Children in Need bear, and locals say the ducks fly backwards to keep the mud out of their eyes. The traffic lights in town cause huge tailbacks, there's nowhere to park, there's bother round the bus station and scramblers on the valley paths. Good pubs, though.

There's been 40 serious pollution incidents in or near Pudsey since 2016, and 28 of them were noise, so it's not just the scramblers. Burglary is running at two and a half times the typical town's rate, Halifax and Santander have both gone, and the sun's out for 1,345 hours a year. The bear's done all right out of it. Pudsey hasn't.

The editor, stuck at the lights