Crap Towns / Tyne and Wear / Whickham
Whickham
53/100Crap Score
465th crappest of 984 towns, and 14th in Tyne and Wear. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Whickham. Very pleased with itself.
Up on the hill with award-winning flowers and a rather inflated opinion of itself.
Whickham sits up on the hill with views over Tyneside and wins awards for its flowers. You'll see the hanging baskets from the queue on Whickham Highway, which never moves. The school run parks everywhere, they charge you for the village car park and Front Street is noisy at night.
3.9% of homes don't even get the legal minimum broadband, which is a lot of nice houses stuck in the slow lane. Barclays and Lloyds have both gone, there's no swimming pool, and Gateshead wants £2,716 for a Band D. Some bright spark keeps setting the grass alight at nearly five times the typical town's rate. Mind the hanging baskets.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Whickham's 90 for deliberate fires means it's crapper than 90% of towns.
- Deliberate fires90/10022.4 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Fly-tipping90/10027.0 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Gateshead council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Sewage spills85/1001,125 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Broadband62/1009.7% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 10.6% across the Gateshead council area
- Rain61/100135 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Air pollution37/1008.3 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 5.7 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Anti-social behaviour35/10012.7 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Food hygiene34/1001.4% rated 0 to 2, of the 72 food businesses with a rating
- Criminal damage and arson31/1005.7 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Serious road collisions9/1001.2 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 9 | Hebburn | 75 |
| 10 | Houghton-le-Spring | 73 |
| 11 | Birtley | 69 |
| 12 | Longbenton | 61 |
| 13 | Washington | 57 |
| 14 | Whickham | 53 |
| 15 | Killingworth | 50 |
| 16 | Shiney Row and Penshaw | 47 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.17 | Whitley Bay | 26 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Whickham by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 46.5 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 39% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 1 problem reported on FixMyStreet in the year to October 2026 Better: 0.6 per 10,000 people, 97% lower than the typical town's 20.4
- 1 serious pollution incident within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2025
What's left on the high street
- 12 pubs, 16 hairdressers, 2 charity shops, 1 bookmaker, 1 bank, 1 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 8.3% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (1 of 12) Worse: 2.1x the typical town's 4.0%
- 2 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Worse: 12.8 per 100,000 people, 3.8x the typical town's 3.4
- 4 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 2.6 per 10,000 people, 1.6x the typical town's 1.6
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.08am last bus out on a Wednesday About the same: About the same as the typical town's 12.14am
- 4.9% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 9.8x the typical town's 0.5%
- 44.3% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 2.9x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,486 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Gateshead council
Have a crap-off
Whickham against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.