Crap Towns / Tyne and Wear / Longbenton

Welcome to

Longbenton

Home of the Ministry. And the crispy pancake.
Twinned with a crispy pancake and a civil servant

61/100Crap Score

383rd crappest of 984 towns, and 12th in Tyne and Wear. Higher scores are crapper.

How the score works

Have your say

Crap Town of the Year 2026/27

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The public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.

Letters from the locals

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Get the Metro.

Big government office, old pancake factory. Nothing to do in between.

Longbenton has the Ministry, a giant civil service office, and used to have the factory that made crispy pancakes. That's the highlights. There's not much to buy, nothing to do, litter about and shop windows that keep getting put in. The fly-tipping's worse than most. The Metro into Newcastle is the main attraction. It leaves.

Hardly a charity shop, but 18 hairdressers and 3 Greggs, which per head is nearly four times the typical town's. Things get set on fire at nearly three times the typical town's rate. They keep building, so it'll be Longer Benton soon.

What the score is made of

Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.

Longbenton's 86 for deliberate fires means it's crapper than 86% of towns.

  • Deliberate fires86/10016.7 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
  • Fly-tipping81/10019.1 incidents per 1,000 people a year, North Tyneside council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
  • Anti-social behaviour69/10018.1 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
  • Criminal damage and arson63/1008.1 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
  • Air pollution59/10011.7 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 6.2 of fine particles, 2024 average
  • Food hygiene50/1002.5% rated 0 to 2, of the 121 food businesses with a rating
  • Sewage spills47/100244 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
  • Rain37/100123 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
  • Broadband24/1004.3% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 5.9% across the North Tyneside council area
  • Serious road collisions21/1001.6 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
Your patch: Tyne and WearTowns in the same county. Top of the table is crappest.
PosTownNationalScore
8Jarrow174th82
9Hebburn247th75
10Houghton-le-Spring268th73
11Birtley309th69
12Longbenton383rd61
13Washington422nd57
14Whickham465th53
15Killingworth490th50
16Shiney Row and Penshaw525th47

Longbenton by numbers

Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.

Crime, muck and dodgy water

What's left on the high street

Getting about, getting online, getting rained on

North Tyneside council

Have a crap-off

Longbenton against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.

LongbentonCrap Score 61
v
KillingworthCrap Score 50

Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.