Crap Towns / Cornwall / Torpoint
Torpoint
50/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 50. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Waiting for the ferry.
Torpoint is a chain ferry ride from Plymouth when the ferry works. Which isn't always.
Torpoint looks across the water at Devonport, and getting there means the chain ferry. The ferry breaks down, the queues are long, the bus has gone by the time you're off and it costs you every time. The roads are bad for crashes too.
The storm overflows spill for nearly ten times as long per head as the typical town's, and the public pool's shut for good, so you can't even swim across. Lots of pubs and vape shops for the wait.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Torpoint's 97 for sewage spills means it's crapper than 97% of towns.
- Sewage spills97/1002,688 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Broadband92/10014.2% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 34.0% across the Cornwall council area
- Serious road collisions79/1003.6 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Rain74/100150 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Criminal damage and arson50/1007.1 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Food hygiene50/1002.4% rated 0 to 2, of the 41 food businesses with a rating
- Deliberate fires38/1004.9 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Fly-tipping16/1005.7 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Cornwall council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Anti-social behaviour12/1008.5 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Air pollution8/1004.4 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 5.1 of fine particles, 2024 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 3 | Bodmin | 60 |
| 4 | Liskeard | 58 |
| 5 | St Austell | 54 |
| 6 | Newquay | 51 |
| – | Torpoint | 50 |
| 7 | Falmouth | 46 |
| 8 | Camborne | 42 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.9 | Saltash | 38 |
| 10 | Redruth | 33 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Torpoint by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 57.1 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 25% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 1 reports of broken street lights on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 1.4 per 10,000 people, 2x the typical town's 0.7
- 1 serious pollution incident within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2018
What's left on the high street
- 6 pubs, 3 hairdressers, 1 bookmaker, 1 vape shop, 1 bank on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 2 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 2.8 per 10,000 people, 1.8x the typical town's 1.6
- None public swimming pools open; 1 closed for good since 2010 Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11.57pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.1% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 80% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 12.0% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 23% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,684 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 10% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Cornwall council
Have a crap-off
Torpoint against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.