Crap Towns / Gloucestershire / Stonehouse
Stonehouse
29/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 29. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
Got something to say about Stonehouse? Write in.
agree it's crap have defended it
Calls a canal an ocean. Bless.
They call a bit of canal the Ocean. That's the most exciting thing in Stonehouse.
Stonehouse has a stretch of canal it calls the Ocean, with a bridge over it, and it's very pleased with itself for doing it up. The rest is not much in the shops, no nightlife and old buildings left to rot. There are nearly four times the typical town's parks per head and nobody sets fire to anything. The canal gets the sewage, though. Some ocean.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Stonehouse's 88 for sewage spills means it's crapper than 88% of towns.
- Sewage spills88/1001,352 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Broadband60/1005.0% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 19.2% across the Stroud council area
- Rain54/100130 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Air pollution45/1008.6 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 6.2 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Food hygiene43/1002.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 51 food businesses with a rating
- Criminal damage and arson40/1006.4 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Anti-social behaviour38/10013.3 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Fly-tipping38/1008.9 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Stroud council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Deliberate fires7/1001.7 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Serious road collisions5/1000.7 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 9 | Cirencester | 36 |
| 10 | Brockworth | 31 |
| 11 | Yate | 31 |
| 12 | Stoke Gifford | 30 |
| – | Stonehouse | 29 |
| 13 | Churchdown | 24 |
| 14 | Frampton Cotterell and Winterbourne | 21 |
| 15 | Bradley Stoke | 6 |
| 16 | Bishop's Cleeve | 6 |
Stonehouse by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 68.2 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 10% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 462 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 557 per 10,000 people, 163.8x the typical town's 3.4
- 2 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2018
What's left on the high street
- 4 pubs, 8 hairdressers, 4 charity shops, 1 vape shop, 1 bank on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 8.3% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (1 of 12) Worse: 2.1x the typical town's 4.0%
- 1 public toilet on the map (October 2026) Worse: 1.2 per 10,000 people, 25% lower than the typical town's 1.6
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11.53pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.1% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 80% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 8.7% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 44% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,566 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Stroud council
- £2,491 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £99 more than the English average
- 26% of Gloucestershire County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Worse: 1.6x England's 16%
- 1 ombudsman complaint upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Stonehouse against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.