Crap Towns / Somerset / Portishead
Portishead
16/100Crap Score
Locals call it Posset.
829th crappest of 984 towns, and 13th in Somerset. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
Got something to say about Portishead? Write in.
agree it's crap have defended it
Lovely, but stuck.
The old docks are a smart marina now. Getting out to the motorway is the hard bit.
Portishead turned its old docks into a marina full of flats and boats, and it looks smart. Boating lake, open-air pool, hardly any crime. The trouble is getting anywhere. The motorway queues are murder and they've been promising the trains back for years. Still waiting.
The buses run till 2.08am, with 42% more after dark than the typical town, and everyone still moans about them. The taxi home from Bristol costs a fortune and the banks have announced 3 branch closures. That's about it. Posset.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Portishead's 69 for rain means it's crapper than 69% of towns.
- Rain69/100143 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Broadband68/10011.5% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 10.6% across the North Somerset council area
- Food hygiene45/1002.2% rated 0 to 2, of the 90 food businesses with a rating
- Sewage spills44/100218 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Fly-tipping38/1009.1 incidents per 1,000 people a year, North Somerset council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Air pollution29/1007.4 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 5.6 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Deliberate fires28/1004.2 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Anti-social behaviour27/10011.5 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Criminal damage and arson12/1004.2 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Serious road collisions7/1001.1 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 9 | Minehead | 33 |
| 10 | Frome | 31 |
| 11 | Wellington | 27 |
| 12 | Street | 17 |
| 13 | Portishead | 16 |
| 14 | Wells | 15 |
| 15 | Burnham-on-Sea | 11 |
| 16 | Clevedon | 3 |
| 17 | Nailsea | 1 |
Portishead by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 55.4 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 27% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 3 reports of fly-tipping on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 About the same: 1.1 per 10,000 people, about the same as the typical town's 1.1
What's left on the high street
- 11 pubs, 13 hairdressers, 7 charity shops, 1 bookmaker, 1 vape shop, 3 banks, 1 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 0.0% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (0 of 12) Better: Against the typical town's 4.0%
- 3 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Worse: 11.4 per 100,000 people, 3.4x the typical town's 3.4
- 5 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 1.9 per 10,000 people, 19% higher than the typical town's 1.6
- 3 public swimming pools open Better: 1.1 per 10,000 people, 1.6x the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 2.08am last bus out on a Wednesday Better: Later than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.3% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 40% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 7.3% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 53% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,711 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 12% higher than the typical town's 1,532
North Somerset council
- £2,491 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £99 more than the English average
- 4% of North Somerset council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 75% lower than England's 16%
- 7 ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Portishead against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.