Crap Towns / Somerset / Burnham-on-Sea
Burnham-on-Sea
11/100Crap Score
Known as Burnham-on-Mud.
876th crappest of 984 towns, and 15th in Somerset. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
It's mud, mate. All of it.
Shortest pier in Britain and a beach that's mostly mud. That's the lot.
Burnham's got the shortest pier in Britain and it's proud of it, which tells you everything. The beach is huge, but the sea is a hike across the mud and you wouldn't swim in it. The lighthouse is on legs to keep its feet dry.
The wind blasts sand in your face and there's nowhere to park. Crime's nothing special, the takeaways are clean and the air's fine, so there's nothing else to blame. It's the mud. Says it all.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Burnham-on-Sea's 73 for broadband means it's crapper than 73% of towns.
- Broadband73/1006.0% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 24.3% across the Somerset council area
- Rain59/100133 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Anti-social behaviour39/10013.5 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Serious road collisions36/1002.0 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Criminal damage and arson36/1006.0 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Sewage spills32/100110 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Deliberate fires22/1003.5 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Fly-tipping19/1006.2 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Somerset council area, 2023-24 to 2024-25
- Air pollution13/1005.2 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 5.2 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Food hygiene4/1000.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 110 food businesses with a rating
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 9 | Minehead | 33 |
| 10 | Frome | 31 |
| 11 | Wellington | 27 |
| 12 | Street | 17 |
| 13 | Portishead | 16 |
| 14 | Wells | 15 |
| 15 | Burnham-on-Sea | 11 |
| 16 | Clevedon | 3 |
| 17 | Nailsea | 1 |
Burnham-on-Sea by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 72.9 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 76.2
- 5 reports of abandoned vehicles on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 3.1 per 10,000 people, 3.4x the typical town's 0.9
What's left on the high street
- 6 pubs, 1 bank on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 0.0% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (0 of 16) Better: Against the typical town's 4.0%
- 1 bank branch closure announced since 2022 Worse: 6.1 per 100,000 people, 1.8x the typical town's 3.4
- 6 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 3.7 per 10,000 people, 2.3x the typical town's 1.6
- 1 public swimming pool open Worse: 0.6 per 10,000 people, 14% lower than the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11.26pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.2% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 60% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 24.7% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 1.6x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,645 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 7% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Somerset council
Have a crap-off
Burnham-on-Sea against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.