Crap Towns / Dyfed / Pembroke
Pembroke
86/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 86. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
Got something to say about Pembroke? Write in.
agree it's crap have defended it
See the castle, then piss off.
Pembroke's got a cracking castle. Everyone sees it and leaves, and you can see why.
Pembroke Castle is brilliant, and everyone goes straight to it and straight home again. Main Street gets left alone. The roadworks round Well Hill lock everything up and the signs into town are useless.
People get killed or badly hurt on the roads at 1.8 times the typical town's rate, 8.6% of food places get a hygiene rating of 0 to 2, and the overflows run for over six times as long as the typical town's. The last bus goes at 7.45pm and there's nothing at all on a Sunday, so the castle crowd are the only ones getting out. For a little town, that's a hell of a list.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Pembroke's 92 for sewage spills means it's crapper than 92% of towns.
- Sewage spills92/1001,768 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Broadband89/10012.1% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 30.8% across the Pembrokeshire council area
- Criminal damage and arson89/10011.4 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Serious road collisions89/1004.3 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Food hygiene87/1008.6% rated 0 to 2, of the 58 food businesses with a rating
- Rain80/100156 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Anti-social behaviour69/10012.0 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Deliberate fires50/100
- Fly-tipping15/1005.6 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Pembrokeshire council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Air pollution0/1003.3 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 4.0 of fine particles, 2024 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Carmarthen | 91 |
| 2 | Llanelli | 90 |
| 3 | Milford Haven | 87 |
| – | Pembroke | 86 |
| 4 | Haverfordwest | 84 |
| 5 | Aberystwyth | 78 |
Pembroke by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 90.9 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Worse: 19% higher than the typical town's 76.2
- 9 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 11.3 per 10,000 people, 3.3x the typical town's 3.4
What's left on the high street
- 4 pubs, 1 hairdresser on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 2 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 2.5 per 10,000 people, 1.6x the typical town's 1.6
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 7.45pm last bus out on a Wednesday, and none on a Sunday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.9% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 1.8x the typical town's 0.5%
- 23.1% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 49% higher than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,593 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Pembrokeshire council
Have a crap-off
Pembroke against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.