Crap Towns / Surrey / Milford and Witley
Milford and Witley
3/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 3. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Witley. The station's somewhere else.
Lovely commons, lots of mushrooms, and a station named after the wrong village.
Milford and Witley are lovely, all heath and woods and people getting excited about mushrooms. Nobody misbehaves. The big moan is the railway. Milford's car park fills by breakfast, both stations are a hike away, and Witley station is actually in Wormley. And the price of a ticket to London.
There's no public park, which takes some doing in a place that's mostly common. The army camped on those commons in the wars. These days it's people hunting for fungi. Not one storm overflow nearby spilled in three years. Nothing happens.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Milford and Witley's 86 for broadband means it's crapper than 86% of towns.
- Broadband86/10010.6% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 28.9% across the Waverley council area
- Rain52/100129 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Food hygiene38/1000.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 16 food businesses with a rating
- Air pollution36/1006.8 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 6.5 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Serious road collisions33/1001.9 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Deliberate fires28/100
- Fly-tipping17/1005.9 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Waverley council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Criminal damage and arson3/1003.1 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Sewage spills2/1000.0 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Anti-social behaviour1/1005.5 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 31 | Farncombe | 23 |
| 32 | Godalming | 22 |
| 33 | Ash and Ash Vale | 19 |
| 34 | Weybourne | 12 |
| 35 | Great Bookham and Fetcham | 9 |
| 36 | Ashtead | 8 |
| 37 | Frimley | 4 |
| – | Milford and Witley | 3 |
| 38 | Worcester Park and Stoneleigh | 3 |
Milford and Witley by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 36.3 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 52% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 397 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 612 per 10,000 people, 180x the typical town's 3.4
What's left on the high street
- 2 pubs, 2 hairdressers on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 3 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 4.6 per 10,000 people, 2.9x the typical town's 1.6
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11.18pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.6% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 20% higher than the typical town's 0.5%
- 29.8% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space, and OS maps no public park here Worse: 1.9x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,648 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 8% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Waverley council
Have a crap-off
Milford and Witley against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.