Crap Towns / Greater London / Merton
Merton
60/100Crap Score
397th crappest of 984 towns, and 31st in Greater London. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Wimbledon needs the Wombles back.
Every summer the tennis comes and goes. The bin bags on the pavement stay put.
Wimbledon's famous for tennis and for little furry things that pick litter up off the common, and right now it needs the furry ones more. Merton council logs nearly seven times the typical English council's fly-tipping. Once the strawberries have gone, the pavements are split bin bags and a mattress. The air's no better: nearly twice the typical town's nitrogen dioxide, so the common's about the only place to breathe.
Morden's got the end of the Northern line, which is all anyone in London knows about it. Across the borough 21 places are on the Heritage at Risk list, so the old stuff's falling down while the new stuff gets dumped on. AFC Wimbledon are back at Plough Lane and still won't say the name of the lot who nicked their place.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Merton's 99 for fly-tipping means it's crapper than 99% of towns.
- Fly-tipping99/10075.8 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Merton council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Air pollution97/10016.0 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 8.6 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Serious road collisions88/1003.8 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Anti-social behaviour62/10016.9 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Broadband29/1005.3% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 5.3% across the Merton council area
- Deliberate fires28/100
- Food hygiene27/1001.8% rated 0 to 2, of the 992 food businesses with a rating
- Criminal damage and arson18/1004.8 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Sewage spills14/10017.9 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Rain8/100113 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 25 | Barking and Dagenham | 77 |
| 26 | Kingston upon Thames | 73 |
| 27 | Havering | 72 |
| 28 | Richmond upon Thames | 68 |
| 29 | Harrow | 67 |
| 30 | Bexley | 66 |
| 31 | Merton | 60 |
| 32 | Sutton | 58 |
| 33 | Bromley | 55 |
Merton by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 63.1 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 17% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 17,254 reports of fly-tipping on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 802 per 10,000 people, 729.1x the typical town's 1.1
- 18 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2026
What's left on the high street
- 46 pubs, 71 hairdressers, 18 charity shops, 17 bookmakers, 4 vape shops, 12 banks, 5 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 3.3% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (3 of 90) Better: 18% lower than the typical town's 4.0%
- 3 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Better: 1.4 per 100,000 people, 59% lower than the typical town's 3.4
- 43 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 2.0 per 10,000 people, 25% higher than the typical town's 1.6
- 17 public swimming pools open; 5 closed for good since 2010 Better: 0.8 per 10,000 people, 14% higher than the typical English town's 0.7
- 21 places on England's Heritage at Risk register
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.46am last bus out on a Wednesday Better: Later than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.4% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 20% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 17.1% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 10% higher than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,625 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 6% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Merton council
Have a crap-off
Merton against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.