Crap Towns / Renfrewshire / Houston
Houston
12/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 12. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Houston. Yes, we know.
A planned weaving village in the Gryffe valley, now a commuter village that objects to every new house.
Houston is a tidy wee conservation village, built partly out of the old castle's stones and full of commuters who moved out for the green belt and will fight anyone who tries to build on it. Nothing gets set on fire, and serious crashes are 82% lower than in the typical Scottish town.
The water's the problem. Twice the typical town's rainfall lands on it, and the storm overflows nearby spilled for 3,773 hours per 10,000 people in 2025, up from 762 in 2023. Something's gone badly wrong under the conservation area. Anti-social behaviour went from 3.8 to 7.2 offences per 1,000 people in two years as well, which in Houston means a teenager on the swings after dark.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Houston's 99 for rain means it's crapper than 99% of towns.
- Rain99/100186 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Sewage spills90/1001,541 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Fly-tipping50/100
- Food hygiene26/1000.0% told to improve, of the 18 food businesses inspected
- Anti-social behaviour18/1005.1 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Broadband16/1004.1% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 3.3% across the Renfrewshire council area
- Criminal damage and arson6/1003.6 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Serious road collisions4/1000.3 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Air pollution4/1004.5 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 4.3 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Deliberate fires0/1001.1 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Paisley | 74 |
| 2 | Renfrew | 56 |
| 3 | Johnstone | 45 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.4 | Erskine | 14 |
| – | Houston | 12 |
| 5 | Bishopton | 4 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Houston by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 36.4 crimes per 1,000 people a year (January 2023 to December 2025) Better: 33% lower than the typical Scottish town's 54.4
- 12 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 19.3 per 10,000 people, 3.4x the typical Scottish town's 5.6
What's left on the high street
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11.19pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.0% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: Against the typical town's 0.5%
- 14.1% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 9% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,367 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Worse: 11% lower than the typical town's 1,532
Renfrewshire council
- £1,691 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £38 more than the Scottish average
- 31% of Renfrewshire council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 14% lower than Scotland's 36%
- 84 ombudsman complaints decided in 2025-26, none upheld Worse: 45.7 per 100,000 residents, 32% higher than Scotland's 34.7
- 93.5% of the streets checked passed as clean (2025-26) About the same: About the same as Scotland's 92.2%
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Houston against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.