Crap Towns / Renfrewshire / Bishopton
Bishopton
4/100Crap Score
942nd crappest of 984 towns, and 5th in Renfrewshire. Higher scores are crapper.
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Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
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Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Built on a bomb factory. Quietly.
The old explosives works is now Dargavel, the houses keep coming, and the school they built for them was too wee.
Bishopton made explosives for the war, and the old factory site is now Dargavel, a whole new town's worth of houses that's still going up. The council built the new primary school too wee for the bairns, which you'd think somebody might have counted first.
The last bus leaves at 6.34pm on a Wednesday and there's none at all on a Sunday, so everybody drives everywhere. There's 1 hairdresser. Crime runs 71% below the typical Scottish town's, and there's no bother to speak of. Just the rain.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Bishopton's 96 for rain means it's crapper than 96% of towns.
- Rain96/100177 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Fly-tipping50/100
- Serious road collisions42/1001.6 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Food hygiene19/1000.0% told to improve, of the 27 food businesses inspected
- Deliberate fires16/1008.5 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Sewage spills14/10016.8 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2025
- Broadband7/1002.2% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 3.3% across the Renfrewshire council area
- Air pollution5/1005.0 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 4.4 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Anti-social behaviour5/1002.9 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Criminal damage and arson0/1002.1 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Paisley | 74 |
| 2 | Renfrew | 56 |
| 3 | Johnstone | 45 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.4 | Erskine | 14 |
| 5 | Bishopton | 4 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Bishopton by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 15.6 crimes per 1,000 people a year (January 2023 to December 2025) Better: 71% lower than the typical Scottish town's 54.4
- 10 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 10.0 per 10,000 people, 1.8x the typical Scottish town's 5.6
What's left on the high street
- 1 hairdresser on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 1 public toilet on the map (October 2026) Worse: 1.0 per 10,000 people, 38% lower than the typical town's 1.6
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 6.34pm last bus out on a Wednesday, and none on a Sunday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.2% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 60% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 1.8% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 88% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,358 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Worse: 11% lower than the typical town's 1,532
Renfrewshire council
- £1,691 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £38 more than the Scottish average
- 31% of Renfrewshire council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 14% lower than Scotland's 36%
- 84 ombudsman complaints decided in 2025-26, none upheld Worse: 45.7 per 100,000 residents, 32% higher than Scotland's 34.7
- 93.5% of the streets checked passed as clean (2025-26) About the same: About the same as Scotland's 92.2%
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Bishopton against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.