Crap Towns / Oxfordshire / Henley-on-Thames
Henley-on-Thames
7/100Crap Score
911th crappest of 984 towns, and 7th in Oxfordshire. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Posh people getting pissed.
Rich people in blazers getting hammered by a river while some rowers go past.
Henley is the regatta, and the regatta is people in stripy blazers getting hammered on champagne with their backs to the rowing. A room costs a fortune for the week and the snobbery is off the scale. The rest of the year it's just nice, and you still have to change at Twyford to get anywhere.
It's got 16 pubs, and banks at over four times the typical town's rate per head, so you can draw the money out and drink it without walking far. What it hasn't got is parks. Over four in ten people live more than 400 metres from a park or play space. They've got the river. They'd rather you didn't sit by it.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Henley-on-Thames's 53 for broadband means it's crapper than 53% of towns.
- Broadband53/1004.4% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 17.2% across the South Oxfordshire council area
- Air pollution52/1007.9 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 6.9 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Sewage spills51/100291 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Criminal damage and arson38/1006.2 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Food hygiene38/1001.8% rated 0 to 2, of the 110 food businesses with a rating
- Rain32/100121 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Serious road collisions19/1001.5 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Anti-social behaviour18/1006.6 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Fly-tipping13/1005.1 incidents per 1,000 people a year, South Oxfordshire council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Deliberate fires1/1001.1 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 3 | Witney | 20 |
| 4 | Abingdon-on-Thames | 15 |
| 5 | Didcot | 13 |
| 6 | Bicester | 12 |
| 7 | Henley-on-Thames | 7 |
| 8 | Carterton | 5 |
| 9 | Wantage | 5 |
| 10 | Thame | 5 |
| 11 | Kidlington | 2 |
Henley-on-Thames by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 62.0 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 19% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 299 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 254 per 10,000 people, 74.7x the typical town's 3.4
- 1 serious pollution incident within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2016
What's left on the high street
- 16 pubs, 5 hairdressers, 6 charity shops, 1 bookmaker, 4 banks, 1 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 0.0% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (0 of 11) Better: Against the typical town's 4.0%
- 1 bank branch closure announced since 2022 Worse: 8.5 per 100,000 people, 2.5x the typical town's 3.4
- 5 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 4.2 per 10,000 people, 2.6x the typical town's 1.6
- 2 public swimming pools open; 1 closed for good since 2010 Better: 1.7 per 10,000 people, 2.4x the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11.49pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- Under 0.1% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: Far lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 41.4% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 2.7x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,589 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
South Oxfordshire council
- £2,598 Band D council tax (2026-27) Worse: £206 more than the English average
- 20% of Oxfordshire County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Worse: 25% higher than England's 16%
- 1 ombudsman complaint upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Henley-on-Thames against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.