Crap Towns / East Sussex / Heathfield
Heathfield
9/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 9. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
They let a cuckoo go. Lucky cuckoo.
Heffle lets a cuckoo go every spring. Good luck getting out yourself without a car.
Heathfield, or Heffle, has a fair where they let a cuckoo go, a big telly mast and an old railway that's the Cuckoo Trail now. There's barely any crime. The worst of it is people parking like pillocks on the High Street when there's a free car park round the corner.
The High Street is 11 hairdressers, charity shops at over five times the typical town's rate per head, and 1 pub. So a big night out is a haircut and a pint, if you can get in. Barclays has gone. Nice. Boring as hell.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Heathfield's 85 for broadband means it's crapper than 85% of towns.
- Broadband85/10011.2% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 24.7% across the Wealden council area
- Rain54/100130 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Sewage spills53/100312 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2024 to 2025
- Serious road collisions40/1002.1 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Food hygiene27/1000.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 36 food businesses with a rating
- Air pollution26/1005.5 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 6.5 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Anti-social behaviour16/1009.4 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Criminal damage and arson15/1004.5 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Deliberate fires10/1002.0 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Fly-tipping6/1004.1 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Wealden council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 5 | Bexhill-on-Sea | 54 |
| 6 | Brighton and Hove | 51 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.7 | Hailsham | 35 |
| 8 | Peacehaven | 30 |
| 9 | Polegate | 23 |
| 10 | Uckfield | 18 |
| – | Heathfield | 9 |
| 11 | Crowborough | 9 |
| 12 | Seaford | 8 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Heathfield by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 35.2 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 54% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 51 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 66.5 per 10,000 people, 19.6x the typical town's 3.4
- 1 serious pollution incident within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2021
What's left on the high street
- 1 pub, 11 hairdressers, 6 charity shops, 1 bookmaker on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 1 bank branch closure announced since 2022 Worse: 13.0 per 100,000 people, 3.8x the typical town's 3.4
- 1 public toilet on the map (October 2026) Worse: 1.3 per 10,000 people, 19% lower than the typical town's 1.6
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11.16pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- Under 0.1% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: Far lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 24.9% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 1.6x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,686 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 10% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Wealden council
- £2,728 Band D council tax (2026-27) Worse: £336 more than the English average
- 18% of East Sussex County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Worse: 13% higher than England's 16%
- None ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Heathfield against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.