Crap Towns / East Sussex / Uckfield
Uckfield
18/100Crap Score
807th crappest of 984 towns, and 10th in East Sussex. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
Got something to say about Uckfield? Write in.
agree it's crap have defended it
Put the marker pen down, lads
The River Uck signs get an extra letter. The banks keep disappearing.
Uckfield is hardly crap at all, so the big local issue is people adding an F to the River Uck signs. They've changed the shape of the signs to stop it. The football team are called the Uckers. Grow up.
The High Street keeps shutting for roadworks, which hardly matters, because it's 11 charity shops, over five times the typical town's per head, and the banks have gone. That's 5 branch closures since 2022, nearly ten times the typical town's rate. Wealden wants £2,728 for a Band D for the privilege.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Uckfield's 76 for broadband means it's crapper than 76% of towns.
- Broadband76/1007.0% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 24.7% across the Wealden council area
- Food hygiene52/1002.7% rated 0 to 2, of the 75 food businesses with a rating
- Deliberate fires41/1005.3 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Anti-social behaviour38/10013.3 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Rain38/100123 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Sewage spills38/100148 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2024 to 2025
- Serious road collisions35/1002.0 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Air pollution31/1006.1 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 6.6 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Criminal damage and arson22/1005.0 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Fly-tipping6/1004.1 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Wealden council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 4 | Eastbourne | 66 |
| 5 | Bexhill-on-Sea | 54 |
| 6 | Brighton and Hove | 51 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.7 | Hailsham | 35 |
| 8 | Peacehaven | 30 |
| 9 | Polegate | 23 |
| 10 | Uckfield | 18 |
| 11 | Crowborough | 9 |
| 12 | Seaford | 8 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Uckfield by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 44.8 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 41% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 47 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 31.3 per 10,000 people, 9.2x the typical town's 3.4
- 1 serious pollution incident within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2020
What's left on the high street
- 4 pubs, 13 hairdressers, 11 charity shops, 1 bookmaker, 2 vape shops, 2 banks on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 0.0% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (0 of 12) Better: Against the typical town's 4.0%
- 5 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Worse: 33.3 per 100,000 people, 9.8x the typical town's 3.4
- 2 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Worse: 1.3 per 10,000 people, 19% lower than the typical town's 1.6
- 2 public swimming pools open Better: 1.3 per 10,000 people, 1.9x the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.54am last bus out on a Wednesday Better: Later than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.8% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 1.6x the typical town's 0.5%
- 11.7% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 25% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,678 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 10% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Wealden council
- £2,728 Band D council tax (2026-27) Worse: £336 more than the English average
- 18% of East Sussex County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Worse: 13% higher than England's 16%
- None ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Uckfield against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.