Crap Towns / East Sussex / Hailsham
Hailsham
35/100Crap Score
636th crappest of 984 towns, and 7th in East Sussex. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Full of shit, literally.
They keep building houses. The drains can't cope, so the tankers come round instead.
Hailsham used to make rope, hangman's rope included, so they call it String Town. Now it makes housing estates. Trouble is nobody built the pipes to go with them, so the drains overflow and sewage tankers trundle up and down the streets. The storm overflows nearby spilled for more than twice as long as the typical town's.
And for the privilege it's £2,728 for a Band D home, well over England's average. Even the usual High Street hasn't turned up yet: there's 1 charity shop. Give it time.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Hailsham's 87 for broadband means it's crapper than 87% of towns.
- Broadband87/10012.9% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 24.7% across the Wealden council area
- Sewage spills70/100608 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2024 to 2025
- Serious road collisions64/1002.8 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Anti-social behaviour59/10016.6 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Criminal damage and arson42/1006.5 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Rain36/100122 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Deliberate fires34/1004.7 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Air pollution30/1006.1 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 6.5 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Food hygiene8/1000.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 86 food businesses with a rating
- Fly-tipping6/1004.1 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Wealden council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 3 | Lewes | 70 |
| 4 | Eastbourne | 66 |
| 5 | Bexhill-on-Sea | 54 |
| 6 | Brighton and Hove | 51 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.7 | Hailsham | 35 |
| 8 | Peacehaven | 30 |
| 9 | Polegate | 23 |
| 10 | Uckfield | 18 |
| 11 | Crowborough | 9 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Hailsham by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 54.8 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 28% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 103 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 45.7 per 10,000 people, 13.4x the typical town's 3.4
What's left on the high street
- 5 pubs, 2 hairdressers, 1 charity shop, 3 banks on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 0.0% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (0 of 12) Better: Against the typical town's 4.0%
- 2 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Worse: 8.9 per 100,000 people, 2.6x the typical town's 3.4
- 5 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 2.2 per 10,000 people, 38% higher than the typical town's 1.6
- 2 public swimming pools open Better: 0.9 per 10,000 people, 29% higher than the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.26am last bus out on a Wednesday About the same: About the same as the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.4% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 20% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 16.9% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 9% higher than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,756 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 15% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Wealden council
- £2,728 Band D council tax (2026-27) Worse: £336 more than the English average
- 18% of East Sussex County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Worse: 13% higher than England's 16%
- None ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Hailsham against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.