Harrogate. Posh, and smells of eggs.

Harrogate built a whole posh town round water that smells like farts. It's clean, tidy and very pleased with itself, full of Range Rovers circling the Stray. The shops on Parliament Street are going empty because the rents are mad, and the Empress roundabout is a car park. They say Harrogé. Of course they do.

It's got 10 public swimming pools and about three and a half times the typical town's park per head, so there's plenty of room to feel superior in. It's grey, mind. The sun manages 1,350 hours a year. Crude sewage has turned up in 4 serious pollution incidents round here since 2016. It smells of eggs at the Pump Room and of something else down the river.

The editor, who smelt the spa before seeing the bill