Crap Towns / Hampshire / Four Marks
Four Marks
4/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 4. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Quiet. Too quiet. Bungalow quiet.
Four Marks is a quiet Hampshire village with a steam railway and no crime. Boring.
Four Marks started as smallholdings and bungalows and it's still dead quiet. The Watercress Line runs steam trains through, and that's the excitement. No crime worth the name, not one deliberate fire in three years and nothing spilling into the rivers. The moans are the traffic, the narrow railway bridge and far too many new houses. Thrilling stuff.
There's 1 pub. And 51 premises can't get even the legal minimum broadband, so some of those bungalows are still waiting for the internet to arrive.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Four Marks's 82 for broadband means it's crapper than 82% of towns.
- Broadband82/1009.6% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 26.2% across the East Hampshire council area
- Rain57/100132 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Fly-tipping45/10010.2 incidents per 1,000 people a year, East Hampshire council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Food hygiene39/1000.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 15 food businesses with a rating
- Serious road collisions28/1001.6 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Air pollution19/1005.3 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 5.9 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Anti-social behaviour3/1006.3 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Sewage spills2/1000.0 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Deliberate fires0/100None, April 2023 to March 2026
- Criminal damage and arson0/1002.0 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 24 | Locks Heath | 9 |
| 25 | Alton | 9 |
| 26 | Hythe and Dibden Purlieu | 6 |
| 27 | South Hayling | 5 |
| – | Four Marks | 4 |
| 28 | Hedge End | 4 |
| 29 | Horndean | 3 |
| 30 | Chandler's Ford | 3 |
| 31 | Lee-on-the-Solent | 0 |
Four Marks by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 28.4 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 63% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 63 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 112 per 10,000 people, 32.9x the typical town's 3.4
What's left on the high street
- 1 pub, 2 hairdressers on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 1 public toilet on the map (October 2026) Better: 1.8 per 10,000 people, 13% higher than the typical town's 1.6
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11.32pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 3.1% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 6.2x the typical town's 0.5%
- 37.3% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 2.4x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,626 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 6% higher than the typical town's 1,532
East Hampshire council
- £2,344 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £48 less than the English average
- 8% of Hampshire County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 50% lower than England's 16%
- 4 ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Four Marks against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.